KathyD Posted June 5, 2006 Report Share Posted June 5, 2006 Hi all,As some of you know I lost my beloved father two months ago and although it has been rough it seems to be getting worse. He and I talked at least three times a week but could go for a month or more without meeting; now that it's been two months the realization that I will NEVER see him again is hitting home with a major impact. His birthday is this month (on top of Father's Day) so I did expect the emotions but I feel so alone. I have a lot of friends - one visited last night from Boston and left this morning - but none understand. I do have my mother and brother but the former calls every few days to talk about what is going on with her life and the other only contacts me sporadically. I admit that I'm angry with my mother (I know she's going through the same things that I am on a different level) but I am so tired of listening to her go on and on without asking how I am. I may have mentioned this before in a previous post but it has gotten to the point where I dread her calls. It's so awful to say, I know, but I'm tired of being a sounding board. I do understand that if she asks how I am the emotional channels open for her but on the flip side I've suffered from major depression for over ten years and if I have to continue to play "therapist" I'm going to lose it. I lost it entirely after learning about Dad's death (slitting wrists) and managed to pull it together but am now feeling that I have to be strong when I can't be. Every day I wake up wanting to go back to sleep. Sorry to ramble, it's been a tough weekend even though I did appreciate my friend visiting and taking me out. The problem is that nothing is the same and because I'm supposedly "strong" due to my struggles with depression there are too many expectations placed on my shoulders. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get over Dad's death - I don't expect to but I didn't think that everyone would believe that I'd be a rubberband and bounce back and be there for people who were never there for me (that's a psychology major for you).Thanks for listening,Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now