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Brenno84

Big Brother Passed At 42 - Shattering

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I don’t know where to start and have never posted on these groups before only read the messages to try help my self. 

I’m 35 and lost my older brother (only 42) unexpectedly even though he was in hospital improving from something else which makes it even harder as what he was in there for we believe wasn’t what happened to him. 

We also lost our dad (69) less than 3 years ago and feel this time helpless or like I should of done more or something I just don’t know if I will ever be the same without him he was a great big bro, mate and even best man at my wedding which I will cherish. Perhaps I was just lucky to have him at all as he had a different mom by we had the same dad . 

I just dont know how to handle it and often find myself looking at this pictures and thinking about all the stuff we would of done with our kids over the next how many years . 

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I am so sorry.  I know the loss is great, all the more since you've lost your other connection to him, your dad.  I hope you can stay in touch with his kids so your kids can know their cousins.  I lost my sister last year, although she was older, it's hard.

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On 10/3/2019 at 11:29 PM, Brenno84 said:

I don’t know where to start and have never posted on these groups before only read the messages to try help my self. 

I’m 35 and lost my older brother (only 42) unexpectedly even though he was in hospital improving from something else which makes it even harder as what he was in there for we believe wasn’t what happened to him. 

We also lost our dad (69) less than 3 years ago and feel this time helpless or like I should of done more or something I just don’t know if I will ever be the same without him he was a great big bro, mate and even best man at my wedding which I will cherish. Perhaps I was just lucky to have him at all as he had a different mom by we had the same dad . 

I just dont know how to handle it and often find myself looking at this pictures and thinking about all the stuff we would of done with our kids over the next how many years . 

Hi,

I don't know where to start either...have never posted or been in the position of loosing someone close.  I just lost my big brother also, though he was older (57 yrs) he was WAY to young to die. We are a year apart.   He died on July 14th, & I watched him go, it was devastating.  The weird thing is, it was 3 months ago, & it feels like yesterday.  I was thinking just this morning, I feel like my life is FOREVER changed, & I'm NOT ready. I have to march forward, & if I turn around I will be met with a glass wall that I can't break through.  I can see my life and all that was, but I can't go there ANY MORE.  I'm forced to go the opposite direction.  Life is pushing me to walk forward, but I feel like I'm sitting up against that glass wall and refusing to move.  When will I stand up and walk forward and leave him and my old life behind?   All I do when I think about him, is shake my head, I just can't accept it.  

So, I FEEL your pain.  This is, by far, the hardest thing I have EVER had to deal with.  You have my deepest sympathy.  You said that you lost your Dad 3 years ago, I can't even imagine that.  Both of my parents are still alive (and working) but now seem to be changing.  My mom is changing DRASTICALLY, she was working a food pantry, & a lot of church work, & my Dad runs a saw mill.  What now?  I don't know what to expect from all of this...they are going to give up?   

I'm wondering when you lost your brother?  I think what you are dealing is WAY worse because it sounds sudden.  Sudden death has to be a "different animal," so to speak because you are not expecting it obviously.  When you are taken by surprise like that, I can't imagine the impact.  I hope I never know, but who knows what we will have to deal with.  This is life?  We are forced.  It's annihilating.

I hope you don't write back and say that your brother died 3 years ago.  I wish I knew what to say to you to make you feel better, but I haven't found a way.  Brothers are great aren't they?  Kind of a care taker, trying to show you the right way to look at things, gentle, & kind.  Too kind honestly, my brother was.  He was too kind.  

Anyway.  Maybe when you have a bad day, just write about it.  I will be your sounding board, or try to?  

Take Care of yourself.

 

 

 

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I am so sorry for your loss also...I've lost so many, parents, grands, niece, nephew, husband, pets, friends, sister, it seems there's no end.  I've been living with grief.  It is my constant companion.

Nothing will replace your brother and I realize that life as you and your parents knew it is changed.  I can't imagine what it is to lose a child, so my heart goes out to them.  I wish this was something we'd never have to face.  I am growing old alone now and it's hard.

57 is young to die...my husband had just turned 51, we never expected it.  Sudden loss is hard, it hurtles you into shock, everything reeling around you...it takes so long to assimilate this information, to process all of the changes it means to you, let alone to try and adjust to those changes.  My sister was quadriplegic and we all got together for her sake once a month to take her out to eat and shopping...now we don't do that any more, we still get together for lunch on our birthdays but we're aging and have different disabilities to deal with.  It feels like something has crumbled.

I most recently lost my dog, my faithful companion and joy (cancer), and I've found it helps to honor him in some way...I've started writing his story, memories of different things I went through with him.   I'm also painting rocks...originally to put on his grave, but I need a better sealer so for now they're going in his doghouse.

My sister was the next most recent, just 1 1/2 years ago.  She was such an inspiration to me.  With all that life threw at her, she always had a good attitude and spirit.  I hope she know how much we miss her.

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