accidentally killed my kitten

[elizabeth1603]

A little backstory, my family had a beautiful grey persian day that we spoiled and loved with all our hearts, but he sadly passed away almost four weeks ago. Two weeks after his passing, we decided to get another kitty because the house felt incredibly empty without him. We got a two month old black kitten with gorgeous blue eyes that captured our hearts from the moment we saw him. He was the most love filled, curious and innocent little guy ever. He would constantly bite my hands and scratch me, and then an hour later take a nap in my arms. He helped us so much with the loss of our first cat, especially me. After only a week of having him, I grew extremely attached to him and gave him nothing but love. This morning we couldn’t find him - we looked for him everywhere and realized that someone had accidentally killed him. I cant get the picture out of my head. I feel so guilty and am so incredibly devastated. He was the prettiest and most precious little kitten that only lived to be nine weeks old because of us, who cut his life so short. I don’t know what to do or how to deal with this. The loss of two cats in less than a month is absolutely crushing, but i cant go without a per due to health reasons. I’m so scared of getting another cat in the future. 

[Novi]

Hi Elizabeth,

I hope you see this post, I know you posted your story quite a while ago. I wanted to say that I'm sorry for the loss of your two cats. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it, whether it is a senior cat or a nine week old kitten. Life can just be cruel sometimes. Please don't blame yourself for his death, he wouldn't want you to grieve him that way. Anger is a part of grieving but don't be stuck there for too long, it's unfair to you.

I also wanted to say that I was afraid to get another cat too after mine died  - for two reasons. What if I was just trying to replace him and ended up regretting getting another? What if I can't handle the loss this time when the time does inevitably come?

I can assure you I do not regret it, you can't just replace a loved one, and I know now that I did it to help me grieve and to help another animal who needed to be loved. As for the second thing... it's the cost of love but I know it will be worth it. 

[kayc]

OMG, I can't believe you had no responses, I check every day and never saw this!  I am so sorry, usually new posts are bolded.  I am so sorry for your loss, and here it's been five weeks already and you've been trying to get through this on your own.  

I lost my dog to cancer four months ago today and Wednesday my son brought me a puppy.  It's a different relationship, nothing like the old one, he's creating a spot of his own in my heart, but nothing/no one will ever replace Arlie, he was a dog of a lifetime, my special soul mate and companion.  I hope you'll come back here and post, I'm very sorry we missed your thread.

It does help to memorialize them.  My Miss Mocha disappeared 3 1/2 years ago and I got a memorial stone for her even though her body was never found, I know she wouldn't leave on her own and believe a cougar got her.  It's very hard to not have something concrete to go on.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.

[MartyT]

Dear Elizabeth, I too apologize for not having seen your post until just now. I don't know why it didn't appear earlier. Please know that we share in the pain of your double losses and wish for comfort and peace for your aching heart . . . ❤️