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need help grieving my grandpa

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It has been 10 long months since my grandpa lost his battle to lymphoma. My father abandoned me since he found out my mom was pregnant with me. My grandpa and grandma stepped in and helped raised me as their own my whole life. I always saw my grandpa as my dad. He was the best, hardworking, family oriented, strong, happy, loving person i have ever known. He was diagnosed with cancer last July and to see my strong grandpa become so weak and helpless was traumatizing. I was by his side everyday to help him with everything because i couldn't bare to see him struggle.  As the weeks went by and he kept becoming less from his regular self it was so hard on me mentally and emotionally to witness that. His time came in January and that took a hard toll on me. I want to scream, I want to cry, I think about it and then I have to stop because its so hard for me. He was my security blanket, my grandpa, my dad, the one who taught me right from wrong. Everywhere I go and every person and thing I see reminds me of my grandpa all day everyday. 

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You write so well and so touchingly about your beloved grandpa.  It sounds like this loss was something you could see coming a long way off, and sometimes that makes it seem even worse because you know it can't be halted.  I'm so very sorry you are enduring this.  I hope you will keep writing about him.

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Your grandpa sounds like a wonderful man, I'm so glad you had him in your life.  I recently lost my dog to cancer (both lymphoma and a tumor that spread throughout), I know what you're talking about when you said your grandpa became weak, it's very hard to watch them go downhill.

I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope you'll continue to come here, it helps to get it out, talk about it somewhere, and here there are people who get it.

For all intent and purposes, he was your dad.  https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/02/parent-loss-continuing-their-song.html

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