Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Mom & Dad

Our Bennyboy

Recommended Posts

Our Benny was a 16 year old black & tan Doxie. He ate and slept with us and we took him every were with us, vacations, grocery store(he stayed in the truck) and parks. I mean he went every were with us. About two years ago he started going blind and last year( 2019)he started walking in circles, all ways to his left. We took him to the vet, they said it may be an inner ear problem, they gave him two shots, the first went fine but the second he yelped and tried to bite the vet. After that he started loosing control of his back right leg. The last eight or more months he got to the point where he would run into every thing and he couldn't find his food & water dish. My husband & I decided to have him put to sleep on 2/10/2020. When we got to the vets, we had to wait in the waiting room for about five minutes and when we finely got called back, they didn't know what we were there for. Then they took us to another room, it had a cold metal table but they said that we could hold him, I felt the life go out of him and God I wanted him back. After they gave him the shot and he went limp, they had me place him on the table until his heart stopped beating. I feel like I murdered him. It is so hard because he was with us twenty four/ seven. Mom & Dad of Benny

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand how you're feeling.  I lost my husband when he'd just turned 51, that was nearly 15 years ago.  I adopted Arlie 12 years ago this week and six months ago this week I had to have him put to sleep (cancer).  It is the hardest decision I've ever had to make.  He was my "soulmate in a dog", my companion, my best friend, my walking companion, entertainment, everything!  It was the hardest thing in the world, it felt just like when I lost my husband, all over again.  I've had ten dogs, that was "THE ONE" for me, you know the special one, he was perfect for me.  I thoroughly enjoyed life with him, just looking at him, he was so beautiful, smart, sweet, and goofy.

When I had him euthanized, I remember the next day thinking, like you, I could have had him today if I hadn't had him euthanized...but I know I made the best decision and at the right time.  There's no instruction manual to rely on, but a lot of considerations, mostly, is he suffering, is his quality of life gone, and what's ahead for him if I don't do it...those led me to spare him any more suffering, just as you did your Benny.

You didn't murder him, you spared him more suffering, and you did it at your expense.  When his suffering ended, yours really began...but then isn't that what any good parent would gladly do?  Take on their suffering upon yourself?  

I wrote stories of Arlie (and another thread for Kitty who I lost last month), it helped, it might be something you'd want to consider doing.  I know I'd read them.

I am so sorry for your loss.  I wish I knew something to help you through it but I'm still struggling with the pain of missing him.  Their body may give out but our love continues.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Kayc. It has been 5 days and there have been a lot of firsts. The first day was the hardest, dealing with what we had done, then not getting his supper, not putting him out and in bed with us that night feeling his little body next to ours. On Thursday, I was making my grocery list and realized I wouldn't need dog food or treats. My husband and I went out to eat on Friday and it hurt because we didn't get to take any thing home for Benny. Still miss him so much. Mom & Dad

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can relate...all of those thing we used to do with/for them are now reminders of their being gone. I hope it gets better for you in the days ahead, it can take quite a while to adjust.  I still cry over Arlie and tomorrow will be six months, but at least it's not every day anymore.  I think eventually we carry our tears quietly on the inside as we continue to miss them and wish for them back...not under the circumstances though.  I'd never want Arlie to go through cancer again and my one consolation is that he is happy and well.  I would have (and nearly did) give my life for him.  He was everything to me.

Wishing you peace and comfort.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad you reached out here; I did after my little Prince passed and I've found some comfort and a little hope. Letting go is too difficult so we keep memories and our love for our beloved pets within us. Thank you for sharing a little about Benny and if you like, you can add a photo. (One of Prince's little buddies was a Doxie) Lots of comfort, Melissa.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...