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Death of my father and complete isolation

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It’s been 4 years since my father passed away. His death was very sudden as a result of an unfortunate accident. I drank heavily for 2 years and didn’t feel much pain. They I decided to give up drinking. I’ve been grieving now for like 2 years. My question is when does this end? It’s not non-stop but I have terrible days when I blame myself and pain is unbearable. 

on TOP of it, I’ve completely isolated myself. I moved to US for work and I don’t know anyone here. I stay with my cats and recently my cat got a little sick and I’ve been crying non stop. Vet tells me she is going to be alright but I just cannot cope with it. What’s wrong with me? Why I am so Afraid 

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My initial thought is nothing is "wrong" with you, you are grieving, alone, and isolated.  I am sorry for your loss.  You don't say if your mom is still alive.  

It could help for you to get involved with some group...church, volunteering, club, anything that gets you out around people where you can get to know others and have a sense of belonging somewhere, someplace you care about and relate.  So many ideas for volunteering, senior site, church, school, walking pets, feeding the hungry, holding babies, the list goes on and on, people/organizations can use some help.  My daughter has been volunteering at her local food bank for years, I volunteer at my church and senior site.  

Since you were affected by your father's death to the point of drinking to excess, you might consider professional grief counseling (by the way, congratulations on giving up drinking!). 

Grief has a beginning but not an ending as we continue to love and miss them.  But don't let that scare you, grief doesn't stay in the same level of intensity, it evolves throughout your grief journey as we begin to process our grief and adjust to the changes it means for our lives.

It could be that having experienced death of a love one you now fear your cat going too.  I get that.  Loss of any magnitude does not leave us the same, it changes us.  I try not to let fear be my driving factor in my life though as it can keep us from fully enjoying life to the fullest.  I tell fear it's not going to get the best of me and proceed anyway, not letting it stop me from loving and living life.  Put up the hand to fear and guilt!

Here are some articles that I thought might be of help:


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I'm in agreement with Kay, there's nothing "wrong" with you.  You're responding to the void that opened up in your life with the loss of your father.  Then, moving to a new country and knowing no one and having no one to lean on for support, and then your cat getting sick... it all just adds to the stress level.  We aren't designed to be isolated from other humans, but the fact of the matter is, in these times, we often are isolated.  As for fear and being afraid, I think that is a perfectly natural response to shockwaves coming from the one-two-three punches you describe in your life.

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