Depression From A Loss

[mokie]

hello. not sure where to post this. i've been here a couple times. i had a petloss back in october 2005. on the 28th to be exact. my beloved 22 year old cat. she was a wonderful companion for so many years. i took her loss really hard. still hard to go on without her.

i have been depressed ever since. to the point of sucidal thoughts. i'v been seeing a psychiatrist and talking with a counselor for a while now. i was just wondering if anyone else has experenced this. going from griefing over a petloss or even human to a major depression. from what i understand its a chemical imbalance and the only thing that will help is medication. well, i'm the last one to want to take medication .... for anything. i'm trying so hard to deal with this on my own but i can't anymore and to me to have to take medication i feel its a personal failure.

talking with my counselor and doctor they feel my main cause for depression is an accumulation of a couple losses and then when i lost my cat it pushed me over the edge. i lost both parents. dad 6 years ago from natural causes. he was 88. but my mom, 4 years ago in a tragic accident. she was hit and killed by a car. i thought i was ok with their losses. didn't take them as hard as my cat. when i lost my cat i guess that pushed me over the edge and i feel abandonded now. i didn't see it at the time but i do now after talking with the counselor and doctor.

its such a strugle every day. every day i have to force myself to do this or that. to even tend to my other pets i have. thats not right. i care about them but then again i don't care at all what happens to me. i got so raging a while back i cut myself on purpose. feeling physical pain was nice instead of feeling emotional pain. i havne't been to that point since but i get close still sometimes.

well, thanks for listening and if anyone has a simular experience can i hear about it and how you handled it.

[shell]

Mokie,

That was the name of one of my beloved cats, by the way! When my dad died, I handled it well enough in the beginning to take care of everything and everyone. But two weeks later, one of my babies (I have 11 cats now) got sick in the middle of the night and I rushed him to the vet. He had an undetected heart problem and died. I was heartbroken and went into a major anxiety attack (a problem I had had years ago). I tried to handle it on my own for a week and a half. I couldn't. I called my doctor and he put me on antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication. It saved my life and I am still on them. I, like you, spent way too many years thinking that I was going to do it on my own, and that I had to be strong and not take any meds. I can only speak for myself, and am not pushing anyone into taking medications, but it made me realize that I felt like a stronger person making the decision to get help. I do believe that it is a chemical imbalance and if so, it is not a weakness, just our bodies being off balance.

I realized that getting myself together, so that I could function, was so important to my mother (who I take care of) and our cats. Just looking at their faces made me realize that even though I didn't really care about myself either at that time, I owed it to them to be around and able to care for them. So sometimes we just need a little help, and it's not a weakness. None of us is superhuman (something I had to admit to myself, which wasn't easy!)

Anyway, I hope this helps you out.

Hang in there, your furbabies need you.

Hugs,

Shell

[dpodesta]

I agree with shell, I lost my wife almost 11 weeks ago suddenly to a heart attack, she was only 45. Taking medications to help you function after a loss is not a sign of weakness. I have a 7 year old and 2 dogs that depend on me to take care of them. I knew shortly after Karen died that I was going to need anti-depressants, other wise my thought would get the better of me. I still get depressed, only not as bad as the begining, and the way I look at it, it isn't a permanent solution, after awhile I will be able to stop taking them. I will keep you in my prayers

Derek

[Maylissa]

Mokie,

I remember you from '05 and it's good to hear from you again, though not so good to hear you're still suffering so. I guess I'll be the one to play devil's advocate here, to offer another option to you, knowing you don't like prescription drugs, as I don't. So, two things:

1.)Have you ever tried a supplement called SAM-e? ( pronounced 'sammy' ) It has been shown in many legitimate studies to work as effectively and oftentimes more effectively, than antidepressant drugs, and for a bit less of the cost of the typical drugs used. There have been no major side-effects from it, even in high doses. The dose is given in a range, for its different purposes ( I believe it's from 2-8 tabs/day for depression...but the bottle will tell you that ), so you can play with the dose to see how little or how much you need. It is also used for liver problems and osteoarthritis. The only thing you MUST do if you take it, is also take a good multi-B-vitamin supplement.....which you should be on anyway when stressed-out....or just anyway! I took SAM-e at the time when I was still grieving so hard about the loss of our Sabin ( cat ), 2 years after the fact, and I could tell w/i a week that it was helping. And the best thing about using a safe supplement versus an artificial drug is that you won't cause any MORE physical problems along the way.....PLUS, in cases of chemical imbalance ( which, btw, it isn't always about, despite what they tell you - tests are needed to determine this for certain ), some of these kinds of supplements can rectify such imbalances for the long-term or permanently, as your body will try to naturally correct itself once given the proper natural substance to sort of 'kick-start' it. You can find SAM-e in most good healthfood stores and ask there about its use and dosages. For myself, I found one bottle's worth was all I needed to get better enough to get through the next year with natural improvement...but had I had to take more, I would have gladly done so as I knew I didn't need to worry about side-effects. So this is one thing you could look into instead. If you Google SAM-e, you'll find lots to read that will confirm what I've told you here. Sometimes, for some people, it works better with another supplement alongside, called 5-HTP, I think....or something like that. And, as with ANY kind of help in pill-form, counseling WITH it has proven to be the most successful combination in battling depression and grief ( Consumers Reports did a lengthy piece on this a few years back ). Also, just like drugs, it won't magically take away the sadness, but will take the worst edges off it, so you can naturally heal, as you and your body strive for this balance naturally.

2.) From my point of view, you still aren't that far away from you loss, and I believe I had mentioned to you before that the first 3 years after losing Sabin were the worst and from there it got handleable. I KNOW it's much harder in a way to carry on with your other responsibilities during such hard times ( I had Sabin's sister to take care of, and still do, through 2 more personal losses since then, and now Nissa is slowly failing, too ), but hanging onto those responsibilities DOES help keep many people from suicide, ultimately....which is a good thing! I will have to be following my own advise when Nissa goes, as she's 19 yrs old now, so pretty close to the 22 yrs. you're familiar with. I STILL say, it's like losing a 22 year-old child of yours, so how fast can one expect to get through such a loss? And with parental loss that maybe wasn't properly grieved as well.....that's TOUGH STUFF to get through!

And another aid you could try which is also easy to use, inexpensive and totally safe, no matter what else you're on, are flower essences. This is NOT mumbo-jumbo nonsense ~ they really work. One of the best is from FES, called "Grief Relief", which you can order online if you can't find a distributor/store in your area. I got mine in about a week and it had to go through Customs, as I'm in Canada and FES is in California. This combo essence cost all of $11.80 U.S., plus a few bucks shipping.

I find it really frustrating that people don't know about, or look into, these much safer and healthier alternatives to the usual drug cocktails that are so prolifically passed out as if they were candy ( ALSO not a good substance, with all that refined sugar that worsens emotional health!!!) The world is FULL of good substances for us, ones that work WITH our natural bodily functions, and I'm always alarmed, though not surprised, at how many folks aren't getting this information which is so vital to keeping our health. The fact that you've already been harming yourself is serious and I would really encourage you to try these other substances ( plus look into a flower essence that deals with self-harm - see FES's website ), and even try to find a Naturopath or some other such practitioner who can give you more options to get yourself out of this dark, dark place you're finding yourself in. I had energy work done for myself as well, and also found that helpful. We must start realizing that there IS no quick fix, no magic pill, for almost anything, and we need to heal ourselves from many different angles and with more than one lone, thing at a time, in order to find true healing and health. Just as they say for dietary problems...true help is found not in just a dietary change, but a lifestyle change. So it is with grief work....most often, it's no easy fix, with no single thing that will heal us. But one step will lead to others and from there, we can go uphill as we gain strength. So I hope these options will help you listen to what you already know inside to be better for you. Why fight your Self, when you can work with your Self?

[mokie]

thanks everyone for replying to my post. its just been so hard loosing my beloved smokey. and now to be in a major depression. i don't understand myself and how i got into it. it like it just happened.

maylissa...i talked with the doctor the first time i saw her. asked her about something more natural. she told me they don't work to well. but if you've tried them and they work for you thats great. i would rather take something more natural. i will try to ask her again when i see her next time on the 30th of june. if i remember. i have a very hard time remember anything. i've been trying to get through this with just counseling and it has helped me. but it not enough anymore. i know some people start out with counseling and med right off the bat but i dind't want to do the meds. but now it seems i can't live like this anymore. nothing i try helps. and i can't just "snap out of it" like some people think i should be able to do.

thanks derek for praying for me. i can use all i can get. awww! shell...11 furbabies. now thats love babe! i have 3 other cats beside my mokie i lost and 2 dogs. i feel bad not giving them my all but i'm just so tired and depressed all the time. i feel meds are a last resort for me. i don't know anymore what to do. when i hurt myself i HAD to do it. i was so tired of feeling emotional pain that i had to hurt myself. i had to. i can't describe how i felt. i was just raging and had to take that pain away. eveyone says meds will work wonders. i have yet to feel anything but i've also heard it takes time.

anyway. i really appreciate your replies and if anyone has anything else to add please feel free.

[shell]

The only thing I wanted to add is that SAM-e, which my dad took for his arthritis (it is for joint mobility too) can have side effects too. I like natural things too and have used flower essences, but they aren't all safe or free of side effects. Go to the site www.webmd.com and you can type SAM-e into the search part and it will tell you the POSSIBLE side effects, which incidently are about the same as some of the newer antidepressants. I hate taking medications too and everyone has to do what's best for them. But I hate to see people suffer when they could get help, natural or otherwise.

Glad you have so many furbabies. They are the greatest comfort in the world.

Take care,

Shell

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I just wanted to say that I too did not like the idea of going on antiodepressants but since I have been on them for the last seven months I have been less depressed. I also see a counsellor twice a month and with both the medication and the counsellor I feel a little better. But I still have my days and I guess I will always. I hope this helps a little when people read this. Take care and God Bless You All, Shelley