My Brother Died Last Week....need Some Support

[Sunforgiven]

Hello,

I was searching for an online support group for people who have lost a sibling and am glad to have found this one. My brother died last week and I am really hurting right now. He was 44. He died from complications due to diabetes. He'd had diabetes since he was 6. My parents and I found him dead in his bed. The condition in which we found his body was an image that will be forever etched in my mind. I cannot believe that he is gone. I can't get the picture of him, alone in his bed,in his tiny little apartment out of my head. I would appreciate all the support I can get from anyone here. I am feeling very much alone right now.

Thanks,

Carol

[amy 2]

Carol,

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. The "image" that you run over in your mind may be from the shock that you experience at the beginning, which is the most horrible part of the entire "grief process." Remember that when you found your brother, it was just his body - your brother was already "gone." I'm thinking that it is a good thing that you "can" remember (b/c you haven't "blocked" that image). Stay close to your family and talk to them whenever they will listen and listen whenever they will talk (no matter how painful this is). If you can't right now, in a few months (it took me 6) you will be able to look at pictures, videos, etc. This will help with the image. I cannot express to you how sorry I am that you have to go through this. I can only give you "helpful hints" and I wish that I could take the pain from you. Learn as much as you can about the grief process. Educate yourself on what to expect from your parents, yourself, etc. I say this b/c it helped me to understand behaviors instead of being surprised by them e.g. fights, physical symptoms, etc. I am so so very sorry for your loss.

[Kathy Jo]

Carol,

I don't know what to say to help you. I lost my sister 1 month ago on Fathers Day. It's strange how little things, like the fact it was fathers day mean so much. I truly am sorry for your loss. I know that I feel that the world is truly "different" than it was before she died. I am aware of her absence so acutely. Her death was sudden. Heart attack we didn't know was coming. My neice, her daughter, found her. They had just returned from a trip to see my husband and I. So much guilt there. I don't know that I could be much help to you, but I too needed to find a site that gave me the opportunity to connect with others who are missing a sibling as I am. You have my deepest sympathies. I agree with the other commenter, rely on your family. Fortunately, I have others in my family who can give me words of encouragement. I never knew it would be like this. So painfull...

My best advise so far being that it is so fresh, take the moments to cry. You know the ones that sneak up on us when we least expect it. Not the ones at work of course, but the ones in the tanning bed, or when your significant is asleep. Let it out. And getting back into life, going through the motions has helped me. It gives me purpose and direction. My sister would want that and I am sure your brother would too.

Thank you for writing. It helps to know that someone else is there who understands on some level what I am going through. And even though I don't know that my words will help you, I truly don't want them to sound self centered. It's just hard right now to pull away from my own pain. But know that there are people wishing you the best in this horrible time. Good luck to you and my heartfelt sympathy.

[Maylissa]

Carol,

I'm sorry for both for the loss of your brother and for somehow missing your posting! ( I can still suffer severe brain farts, even after 2 years! ) While I don't even have any "images" of my brother being ill and dying ( he had a sudden stroke at age 58 and was taken off life support w/i a week, when I couldn't get back home to see him beforehand ), I can relate to this from watching our furbaby die at home, suffering mightily. Those images, I believe, will never go away, but can consciously be replaced by other, better ones, after some time. It's not uncommon, though, to be 'stuck' with them for quite a while after a death and some people even find that they're the only ones they can recall for awhile. What helps to replace them is the gradual working through of all the aspects of your grief, plus any unfinished business you might have with your loved one. All of this takes time and effort on your part.

Sibling grief is hard enough, considering it's rather a disenfranchised loss in society, with preference given to the parent of the child, not the 'mere' sibling. And although your brother had a known condition, his death was still sudden and unexpected, which never helps and adds more shock to the grief.

Know that you're among friends here who understand and many who can relate to different aspects of your grief and the more we know about you and your loved one, the more we can draw upon to relate to. And that's how we all find support. Again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother.

[storm7103]

I know exactly what you mean, my little brother died on May 28th, 2006. He was 22. I wake up at night and I can't belive he is really not here any more and we will not see him again. He died in a motorcycle accident celebrating memorial day with friends and I just think that if I wasn;t to busy thinking of myself doing homework we would have been celebrating memorial day at my house and he would've been ok. It was a very bad accident and the police would not let us see him until the funeral. My mother was never told by the funeral home how bad he was. They said he was ok frm the waist up so we could see him at the funeral, but he wasn't ok. I will always remember what he looked liked at the funeral. I feel bad when I wake up that I fell asleep.

I don't know how long it is supposed to take to understand that they are gone, but I do understand what you mean.