Loss of conversations w loved ones

[MTNSIDE]

My older brother and I mostly communicated w texts. It started getting harder for him to breathe. He was in last stage of COPD emphysema. The day after he passed away, my phone broke ;(. I’ll never be able to read our many talks again.  They tried hard to repair my phone. I never had a phone break!!! It picked now?!! Well,  It just happened again. Yesterday, all the conversations I had with a site that has helped me and encouraged me for 2 years, were accidentally erased by me. I would go back and read some of the conversations when I was lonely or having suicidal thoughts. Which is often... Or to read a prayer they would write for me at end of every chat.  It was a major lifeline I severely needed and couldn’t have been erased from me at a worse time.  I cried and am still upset.  I think the worst part of it is the validation I feel again that things are not going to get better, only worse. Too much is broken, and I’m tired of living with the fear of what is next!!!  😕
 

[kayc]

I lost all of my husband's answering machine messages two weeks after he passed, I hadn't known it'd do that or I would have removed the cartridge (on landline).  Also lost the ones on our cellphones at that time too.  The ans. machine/phone system I have now does not record over them, if I save them.  Wish I'd had it back then!  It does feel like a huge loss at the time.  I still remember his voice though and can hear him leaving me a message in my mind.

[MTNSIDE]

On 6/28/2020 at 9:15 AM, kayc said:

  It does feel like a huge loss at the time.  I still remember his voice though and can hear him leaving me a message in my mind.

It does feel terrible at first. It thankfully gets easier with time. And we get to hold onto our memories thankfully. I would love a better memory. And my older brother always made me laugh. I wish I could remember more of his jokes!!  I’m happy for you that you are able to still hear him in ur mind!! ❤️

[kayc]

Me too, I love his voice!  Thanks...living life without them is tough but we learn to adjust little by little and I think holding memories of them in our hearts is important.  It's also helpful to me to realize that our love didn't die with their bodies giving out, that we still feel the same about each other and no one can take that away from us.