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Hello to you all,

I apologize for not having read any other thread on these forums (yet). I just feel the need to type what I am feeling. I had to have my dog, Buzz, put down today (about 12 hours ago) due to kidney failure. Can't really go into much detail right now as my tears splash on this keyboard. He was a yorky (Yorkshire Terrier) who gave me 10 years of unconditional love. I'm in bits right now and have turned to my arch nemesis for comfort........alcohol......it's not working.

TBC......the screens gone all blurry

What makes it harder for me is that I am an Atheist. It makes it very hard to deal with death, knowing (no harm intended to those that think differently) that when someone (or something.....but that sounds harsh) dies, that's it.....game over......there is no better place, no doggy or animal heaven.... (need to wipe the keyboard)

All I know is, I'm going to get very depressed for the next few days at least. I can't handle death. Maybe that's a common feeling. I dunno. All I know is that I'm grieving more for the loss of Buzz than I did for my Gran last year.......how screwed up is that!?!

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Buzz's Person,

I'm so sorry you've lost your boy, Buzz, and that you're finding it so hard to deal with, with nothing to relieve your pain. That's natural, though....and alcohol will likely only make you more depressed than ever, at least that's what it does to most people ( it IS a depressant by nature ). You're now asking yourself the hardest questions that commonly come up with grief over a death....we've all done the same. Unfortunately, I don't have much I can say that would help you out, as I do believe animals have immortal souls, and their essences do go somewhere, whatever it's called. I believe this mostly because I've had visitations of different sorts from one of our furbaby's who passed a few years ago, letting me know that his energy/essence still exists, wherever or however he is.

My first husband was an adamant atheist, too, and drank to relieve his sorrows and I remember how anguished he was when his sister, then his mother died. I felt so terribly for him, as I knew he had no belief in a continuing life. It's hard enough even WITH a belief. I'd be a total skeptic myself, if not for the things I've experienced...including other things, too, that make me believe there's a Force of some sort behind what our physical vision can see. But even with some kind of belief like this, these questions arise, because we just want to KNOW if there's any knowledge or answer that will alleviate our extreme sorrow.

It's not uncommon at all, either, to suffer more sorrow over the passing of these wondrous beings, animals, than over any given human we've lost. I've done the same myself, and KNOW I will do so again ( our last cat is slowly failing...also with CRF and other problems secondary to that ). Animals often give us so much more than humans are capable, or willing, to give us.....plus, I happen to believe that they're more advanced than WE are, in many ways and that most folks just won't consider that because they need to justify how they treat, or allow others to treat, them. Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you only feel grief for a few days, you'll be doing a LOT better than most of us here! Personally, I will never stop grieving for our fur-boy, at least to some degree, and it will be the same for our gal.

Anyway, atheists, too, are welcome here. I can't even imagine how I'd go on at all if I didn't have any hope of there being anything beyond this....I think I would have checked out a long time ago, otherwise, as this world isn't a great place to be half the time. So I think those who have no continuing life beliefs often suffer even more than others, and certainly need a place to come to talk about their feelings and thoughts, too.

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Thank you for your comments Maylissa.

I'm feeling very guilty right now. Buzz had problems with his legs for years, including arthritis, so he was on Steroids for a long time. Prolong steroid use messes your organs up. I went on vacation for the first time ever since I had Buzz and had to put him into kennels. Before I did it I had second thoughts thinking he may think he's been dumped and that he may just give up.

My fears came true. I got back and he was in a terrible state, took him to the vets and he was diagnosed with kidney failure. I can't help but feel I caused him to pass away earlier than if I didn't go on this damn vacation.

RIP Buzz, so very sorry I caused you a premature death.

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Dear friend,

Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved Buzz. We all understand the special bond that exists between the two of you, and even though you don't believe in God or an afterlife, I hope it will bring you some comfort to know that, even though his body has died, your relationship with him has not ended. The love you have for Buzz will never die. It will live in your heart forever, just as long as you keep your precious memories of Buzz alive.

If you explore any of the other posts in this forum, you will know how strongly we advocate learning all you can about what is normal when we lose a cherished companion animal -- such information helps us feel less "crazy" and alone. It helps us understand better our reactions, and reassures us that if others have found a way to survive such devastating losses, then somehow we will find our own way, too.

I'd like to refer you to some articles that may be helpful to you, as I think they address some of your specific concerns:

Coping with Pet Loss: Am I Crazy to Feel So Sad about This?

When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Losing a Relative

Loss and The Burden of Guilt

Do Pets Go to Heaven?

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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  • 1 month later...

I know that you wrote this post over a month ago, and don't even know if you will check this board again. I hope you are doing better. But I am writing because I had to put my dear Tawny down just a week ago, also due to kidney failure. And she was not even quite two years old. The pain is still so intense and I miss her so much. The only think that I do notice is that the pain comes less often, and I am better able to focus on other things. But I will always love her and always miss her. I'm honestly not sure what my beliefs are, which may be even harder than knowing one way or another. But I don't think I will ever be able to understand why she was taken from us so soon, or why her left had to ended so prematurely. It is just really tough, but I still have her brother, Tanner, who does give me some comfort.

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Hi Buzz,

I am very, very sorry for your loss of your beloved Buzz, It does seem that you had such a wonderful relationship together... I feel so bad for you right now and I am sending you one of my special big hugs to you right now... And I am also going to keep praying for you and I am going to ask God to give you the strength to get through your grief journey... Take care and God Bless You Shelley

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