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Just need to vent

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As I sit here on my porch going through  old posts and songs I have  posted just brings back so much sadness,  it's so hard  to believe  it's been 5 years since my life forever  changed  that my tomorrow  changed, even though I have  come so far and there are days I don't  even think about loss days like today just totally  bring it all back, the emptiness  consumes me, though I know  I will make it through  as I always  do I just feel like today is a total  backwards day,  I see the paramedics telling me I am sorry mam he is gone, I can see him sitting  on the couch looking at me the morning  of his passing  but I said nothing because  I was so mad at him for using the night before,  I can see him running  around with my grandkids,  I feel so much regret today, so much that I  do now that I should  have  done when he was alive, even the new love I have  found will never fill this void , I come on here to share with people  so they can maybe see it gets alittle  less painful  with time and yet it sometimes  just pulls  me back to day one anyways know this is long am sorry just needed to free my mind today,  hugs to all in this journey  we never wanted  

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Isn't it amazing how time passes and we get used to this but it never fails to assail us all the same?  It's hard for me to believe it's been 16 years...and I couldn't see how I could do a week without him!  I'm glad you have someone in your life, it gets tiring being alone, always alone...yet I know it doesn't alleviate the missing him, it's never the same nor will it be, instead you create something new.  (((hugs))) my friend!

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