Conciousness Memories

[Ztyu123]

The things about funerals,  watching someone die, holding someone as they die, knowing someone will die soon, being diagnosed, etc...

Those moments 
Those memories 
Override, intertwine, interlock, others
It become their identity. 
It becomes an automatic 
It becomes associative 

When you think 
Of them

It's all that I see
I try hard 
To see you.

So I laid on your bed
Then I laid in the space, and between the space 
Of memories 
And tears.

Very very
Soon 
We will be together again 
Hopefully. 

I'm dying living
And I'll living
To dye 
Trying. 

[MartyT]

My dear, I don't know how to interpret the depression and despair that comes across in some of your posts, but I feel a need to acknowledge what you seem to be signaling ~ and if indeed you are contemplating suicide, I urge you to get the help you need and deserve.

As I've stated in our Discussion Group Guidelines,

We strongly recommend that our forums be used as a compliment or adjunct to traditional grief therapy or grief counseling. It also needs to be said that some people’s needs may exceed the capacity of an online message board to help. Sometimes grief can be so complicated that people get “stuck” in the process, and they need more help than we can give them in forums such as these. Individuals struggling with complicated grief are encouraged to seek the help of a professional therapist. Persons in danger of hurting themselves or someone else, those whose anger is out of control, or those whose grief does not diminish at all over an extended period of time, will not find what they need on this site, no matter how many messages they post. Therefore we urge such individuals to seek professional assistance at once, so they can get the help they so badly need and deserve. We believe that grief counseling and individual psychotherapy are among the most precious gifts we can choose to give to ourselves, and they can change our lives for the better.

The site is not intended for individuals who are in crisis and actively contemplating suicide. If you're thinking of suicide, read this first.  

• If you are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts that you cannot control, please stop now and telephone 911 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 
• Using your smart phone, contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. 
   

[Ztyu123]

I don't need any help. Thank you for your concern.