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One year


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So I am moving again. Trying to figure out some piece of normal. I moved into income based hide hole. Absolute nightmare, no community, no friendship, it's like jail. There is only 5 people who live by me and there only concern is why I am driving a nice pickup, my dead husband's pickup. The management accepts tattle tailing in lieu of rent. Tattle on what, their concern should be how come these people never go outside who live here. I got sandwiched in between an old man who can't stand hallway traffic and wack job with 20 cats. The management has a get u, got u, caught you mentality. Again, just tv watching going on here, nothing to see. They spy on everywhere u go as if they are like with the FBI. I thought I was going crazy at first, but as I am coming out of my widow fog, where all I wanted was a world of kindness and forgiveness, community and help. All I have gotten is get you, got you, caught you! I even volunteered. I even gave money to charity, but if I need help,chirp, nothing. I talk to the church and nothing there either just a broken selfish trash talking world. I just want to be alone. No wonder I was alone my whole life. Hey world your not the FBI and get over it because if someone shines a light on you in your darkest hour none of you are worth 2 shits either. My husband loved me, chose me, and I am not going to apologize for it.

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I hope you're referring to the place you are leaving and not where you're moving to!

How can anyone afford deposits on 20 animals!

Good luck on your move!

Rough Spot.jpg

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My whole life I have had to go through everything basically alone. I know no one does anything bythemselves. I have had help but little in way of it and mostly from the government. I chose my husband over my job and he chose me over the whole world basically. I was happy and he is gone. This year has felt like jail. I would liken my mental state to maybe dementia. All I could do to keep me and my dog alive. All my family says is kill the dog so u can go back to your job, work. The dog is my only friend. If anyone wants to know about me they sure don't ask me and ask anyone else, trash talking. I am not sure why my family thinks that they are the boss of me and they do not listen to me or help me and only tell me to help them. Then I have to put my big girl pants on and go out and figure it out, in 30 degree weather, and I just cry because I am just a girl what am I supposed to do. I am over here driving halfway across country with a trailer not even hooked up right while no one will help me unless they are paid to and I just want to be a girl. I miss my husband and I feel like the world is laughing at me.

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Sheemie,

I've lived alone 17 years since my husband died, my kids and sisters are not nearby, my dad died over 40 years ago, my mom 14 after a long bout with dementia.  I took care of my disabled sister with dementia and now she too has passed away.  

Sometimes family is more of a hindrance than help, it sounds like that in your case.  Maybe taking time away from them would help your mind have more peace.  Just because we're born into a family doesn't make them good for us.  As for your dog, they are your family!  Don't listen to the others.

I'm living one mile away from a huge fire, air quality is the worst in the nation, can't be outside.  Somehow if I can survive this, you can also.  We're going to go from smoke (2 1/2 months now) to snow, I've had 2 1/2 months of decent in the last 12 months.  But I praise God because my home is still standing.  One day at a time Hon.  Today, take today, try not to worry about tomorrow, stay in today.  Figure out what is the next thing you need to do and focus on that.  

We are listening, just want you to know you are not alone.  I see your interests, mine too except the cleaning part! :D  

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  • 1 month later...
On 10/18/2022 at 6:30 AM, kayc said:

Sheemie,

I've lived alone 17 years since my husband died, my kids and sisters are not nearby, my dad died over 40 years ago, my mom 14 after a long bout with dementia.  I took care of my disabled sister with dementia and now she too has passed away.  

Sometimes family is more of a hindrance than help, it sounds like that in your case.  Maybe taking time away from them would help your mind have more peace.  Just because we're born into a family doesn't make them good for us.  As for your dog, they are your family!  Don't listen to the others.

I'm living one mile away from a huge fire, air quality is the worst in the nation, can't be outside.  Somehow if I can survive this, you can also.  We're going to go from smoke (2 1/2 months now) to snow, I've had 2 1/2 months of decent in the last 12 months.  But I praise God because my home is still standing.  One day at a time Hon.  Today, take today, try not to worry about tomorrow, stay in today.  Figure out what is the next thing you need to do and focus on that.  

We are listening, just want you to know you are not alone.  I see your interests, mine too except the cleaning part! :D  

It's been awhile but I finally did it. I left and as soon as I crossed border this weight lifted and I physically felt free. I am down south and no snow but still cold in 20s at night but 20 above is better than 20 below. My family is taking turns calling me daily. I have been ignoring them. I know all they want to know is where I am and what I am doing and frankly we have never been close so I choose to ignore them. I am done with being made to feel guilty over everyone and everything when it was never reciprocal. The only person who ever cared about me is gone and it's me and my dog. I believe he is in heaven watching over me and the unexpected help that comes for me from complete good Samaritans I truly believe is my husband in heaven helping me because believe I have not a clue here just few ideas good bad sense or none

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I'm glad to hear you made the change.  Praying for you Hon, sometimes all we need is our dog and our husband in heaven. ;)  And a little intuition.  It's been 20s here at night all week, they predict warmer but it hasn't materialized, they're just off.

 

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