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Missing my Puppy Oliver

Caren Beadle

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Dearest Oliver,

Never in a million years would I have thought you a large 30lb Lhasa Apso, sturdy and stubborn would fall ill with a deadly genetic disease IMHA. It was my birthday Dec. 27th after your grooming you went out to pee and pee'd on the pad this time and it was bright ORANGE! I thought is he dehydrated? Dark urine? I'd never seen this before, startled about it I asked my your fur daddy to keep a close eye on you while I went to work my 5 hour shift. I checked on you all day and daddy said you were fine playing with your little sister Hazel and you ate your dinner. However, when I got home 6 hours later, you could not even get up. You were collapsed. I carried you outside and you still did not move. I began calling ER vets to get you seen. The first place you and I went to was a joke and now that it was getting so very late I thought lets go home and I'll get you in at 7am to your vet. Unfortunately by misnight you ahd vomited your dinner on the bed and it too was ORANGE! Now, I knew you needed help and right away, so off to another ER vet. They were much kinder nd kept you and began fluids and blood tests. By the morning they felt you needed to be seen by an internal medicine dr. and have imaging done. So, now to a new ER hospital. Imaging and blood tests and my the next morning the dreaded diagnosis of IMHA was revealed. Your imaging didn't show any trouble, which they felt was a positive. We are now to Thursday 2 days later and a blood transfusion needed to be done. I approved it as I would do anything to cure you and bring you home. That day following the transfusion it was determined you needed to be in an ICU hospital, so I again had to transfer you to your 3rd place of care. Over the next 4 days I would watch you decline; but, I was given hope that any minute you could turn the corner. After the 3rd blood transfusion we decided that now we just needed your body to kick in and fight. The blood transfusions can actually make things worse so we held our faith that you my strong boy would fight. It was just too late boy, you had not eaten in 5 days, the meds were getting hard to administer to you and I could see that you were simply done. My 2 year old big lover boy was just done. The dr. that cared for you in the evenings was the only dr. I really trusted with your care. He called to tell me at 2am your heart was showing signs of trouble and by 5 am your breathing was not good. Your daddy and I and Hazel rushed to you Oliver. Dr. Huitt helped you cross over the Rainbow Bridge, I still do not remember if I was telling you i loved you or if I was in shock that it was even happening. Your eyes were jaundice as was your tongue, this horrible disease just could not be fought! I tried buddy with all my love to give you the best home which I know you had until this horrid day you fell ill. That's when I feel I failed you. But, they say not all the money in the world could have saved you. MY love if Love could have saved you, you would still be by my side. Your loss has hit me like none other I've gone through, Hazel misses her big brother dearly. She has become a bit skittish, scared of noises, etc...

We miss you buddy so much. Your last days on earth were not what I would ever want for you or any pup, they were so undeserving, you were my love bug and I'm lost without you.MYOLIVERGORGEOUSBOYMYOLIVERGORGEOUSBOYMYOLIVERGORGEOUSBOY

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I'm so very sorry for your loss, Caren. Clearly you did everything you could to save your beloved Oliver, but in the end you had to let him go. I know your heart is broken. In the days and weeks ahead, I hope you will find ways to memorialize your darling boy. Give yourself the time and space to mourn the loss of him, and know that you are not alone. Here you are among kindred spirits, all of whom are animal lovers and each of whom have been where you are now.

You might find some comfort in reading about the grief that accompanies the loss of a cherished animal companion. Doing so won't change how you are feeling, but may help you better understand why. See, for example, In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss and Pet Loss: Finding Peace After Euthanasia  ❤️

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I am so sorry for your loss...I know it to be acute, losing my Arlie 3 1/2 years ago (inoperable cancer, liver shut down), he was my  soulmate in a dog.  My son found me a dog conceived when Arlie died, born on my birthday, the name Kodie popped into my head when I saw his picture and video...when my son brought him, the tag said Kodie.  I like to think Arlie had a paw in it.  Now Kodie is registered as a service dog and always by my side.

I'm glad you have Hazel and hope you spend extra time with her as dogs also grieve (my Lucky did when my husband passed nearly 18 years ago).

My heart goes out to you in your sorrow...one day at a time...

Grieving Pet
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers


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