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Grieving Someone I Never Met

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Hi All **GRAPHIC DETAILS, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SQUEEMISH**...I was one of the first people at the scene of a horrible car/motorcycle accident last week while I was on my way home from work. Cooincidently, I don't usually take this particular road home, I usually take the back roads to avoid traffic...unfortunately, this day, I came upon this accident. It probably happened not seconds before I got there. There were 2 other men there (I am female, and happen to work in the medical profession and had my work scrubs on) and the men thought I was a nurse...when I told them I was a certified first responder and knew CPR, they were disappointed and then deferred to an EMT who happened to show up and needed supplies from my first aid kit that I had grabbed from my truck; (as I always keep a first aid kit in my truck).

The EMT guy really did not seem to do much of anything except act nervous. I quickly took charge of the situation and told the others not to move the grossly injured motorcyclist from UNDERNEATH the car. His motorcycle was traveling at a high rate of speed I found out later. He was under the motorcycle that was under the car. He hit the driver's side door of the car and had no helmet on and his body was obviously dislocated at the spine and his head was squished. It was pretty awful. His boots fell off and one of the men there was trying to get him out from under the mess of vehicles. I cautioned him not to move anything in case there was any hope of saving this man. I did not think so personally and his pulse ceased while I was there. It was faint at first, but unfortunately, the damage was too great.

The passenger of the car had a cut on his forehead. I told him I called 911 and I asked him if he was all right and he said yes...the driver on the other hand was not all right. He was bleeding profusely from his nose and mouth and slumped over his friend's shoulder hanging from his seatbelt. The amount of blood coming out was truly astonishing. I thought he had a broken nose so I was getting gauze packs from my first aid kit and handing them to the passenger so he could do compression...little did I know that the driver's injuries were severe and as the gauze became soaked and I had the passenger change them out with fresh ones, the poor kid passed on. I witnessed the "death breath" and then his eyes were fixed and open when I checked. The real EMTs took over 20 minutes to get to the scene and the boy died as they were arriving. The driver was 18-19 years old and passenger 22 years old. The passenger lived but does not remember anything. As fate would have it, my mother-in-law is friends with friends of the driver's parents and that is how they knew I was there and they expressed an interest in talking with me about what I saw. I told them I did not have anything positive to say except that he did have his seat belt on, but that if they really wanted to hear what I had to say, then I would share with them...I told them I was not going to leave out any details...they have since changed their minds so they have good memories of him, not his last breaths.

This has been so hard for me. I am now afraid when I see people drive motorcycles...I am afraid to drive on the highway now and the visions don't go away...I know it has only been a week, but I still see it all. I am sad for the people that died and sad that I could not help more. I am sad that things like this happen. I am also angry that things like this happen and people are impatient and don't care about each other. I am grieving for these two men who I never met and I am upset that I saw them both die a most horrible, painful death. The driver was unresponsive when I got there, so maybe he passed out and did not feel much. The motorcyclist obviously was in pain but again, he was probably unconscious as well. Thanks for letting me share.


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hi dana,

i to have greive for someone i didnt ever meet.It was my sister baby.my sister went to spain at 23 weeks pregnant for a holiday and lost her baby whilst she was there.I never saw the baby but my heart still breaks when i think of the babe i will never know.

thanks for sharing dana.i wish you peace of mind.

loads of love


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i can relate well with ur feelings, tattoodlb. i feel sad everytime i see

people driving on their motorcycles. my ex-boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident exactly 4 months ago. he was riding the motorcycle with his friend, and he's on the back seat, he was not wearing a helmet too. they fell on a sharp curve and he was the one badly affected.he died 5 hours after the accident while his friend survived.

it was very painful for me that i only knew about his death 20 days after..and add to that, i am in a medical profession too and i feel guilty that i was not even there when he was brought to the hospital. his family told me about this, and sometimes i cant help thinking the actual event of his accident..all the pain he suffered, all the blood loss, and if only he were brought immediately to the hospital then he could have survived.

there are times that i still feel very angry with him for riding the motorcycle when he has told me many times before that "riding a motorcycle brings one closer to death". how ironic that he died on it.

it still brings me a lot of pain everytime i look at people riding their motorcycle, and i will never ride the motorcycle again for the rest of my life..

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Amanda, oh...I am very sorry to hear that...that is heartbreaking...your sister must be also very upset...in my family, we have lost unborn babies, too and that is so hard on everyone. All the dreams and happiness that go with new babies is all gone suddenly. I hope you find peace, too, and my thoughts are with your sister in her time of grief. Thank you for your response...I think we are all connected somehow and losing someone is hard even if you did not know them, it is like a small piece of us is gone and we won't get it back; that sense of loss, a broken connection. Take care.

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