Confused

[Confussed love]

Hi every one.

Iam still feeling very confused about everything. I have been reading other postings to see if I find one that I can relate too. But I just cant seem to find. Recently I have been feeling very sad and depress. I though that I was not going to feel like this anymore But as much as I show a front with every one else that Iam ok. Its not true I dont feel ok inside I Miss Juan he was my Love. Yesturday was two months since we buried him. All day I was sad confused and quite. I keep on going back to the last week when he was in the hospital and to that moment when the Dr. had told me that it was something serious and Juan seen me Crying He ask me whats wrong I did not have the guts to tell him what was wrong he told me Come close and Kiss me and said dont cry no more I can not forget that special moment we had. I feel so lonly sometimes since of my new situation I feel every one has put me to the side and feels that I dont care no more But I do care I read in one of the postings some thing that just makes me cry and it so true in my heart. ( I will give up my tommorrows for one yesturday) that really touch me. I wish Juan was here He was not always with me beacuse he was truck driver but when he was at home I & his son were his whole World. My friend at home helps yes he does everything to make me happy and not feel so sad but I think the emptiness in my heart for Juan will never go away. I give up every thing in my world to just be with My Juan. He was my sunshine.

I love you Juan where ever you are.

[dpodesta]

My dear confused love, what you are feeling is perfectly normal right now. I remember exactly what I was going through at 2 months, I am now at the 5 month point. I still get the feelings I did back then maybe not as bad, but they are still there. I am sure you have heard or read this a hundred times, healing takes time. You will go through times when your days will be real good and then something will happen or you will hear a song and it all falls in on you again. We all have to put on that mask around people in order to trudge on with life. Two months for me fell on the same day as my 7 year old's birthday, it was a very difficult time for me. Monday would have been Karen's birthday and that has me going right now with all kinds of emotions. There are a lot of times I feel confused as well. Coming to here and posting helps to get rid of that confusion.

I have found a book that has been very helpful to me, it is called "I am Grieving As Fast As I Can" this book is geared towards young widows and widowers. I saw so much of myself and what I was feeling in these pages. I found that either chapter 2 or 34 really didn't apply to me but I didn't give up I kept reading and I am glad I did. This book will explain a lot about the feeling we go through during this time and it stays away from saying that grief is in stages. I hope this will help you.

God be with you and help you to get through this, he is carrying you right now. We can't always feel it when he is carrying us but believe me he is.

[kayc]

Confused Love,

What you are feeling is very normal and I often feel the same way even though it's been 14 1/2 months for me and even though my grief has been compounded by the dealing with other issues brought on by his drug use, which I didn't discover until just before he died. Little by little as I've learned about the lies he told me to cover up his drug use and the money he spent for it, I have had to deal with the added pain of betrayal on top of grief...but I haven't grieved any less than anyone else, for I loved him deeply. I am just confused because it seems he wasn't what I thought he was and therefore our relationship wasn't what I thought and it all has me so confused and hurt. But still I miss him and still I cry. I am seeing someone now and he is really good to me, but the issues are separate for they are separate people and separate relationships...one person doesn't replace another, rather they forge their own place in your heart...and neither does one person help you get over another...it is such a difficult thing and a process that we walk through for the rest of our lives for we never forget that person that so touched our life.

[STARKISS]

Hi Confused Love,

I am sorry for your loss and what you are feeling at this stage of your grief journey is perfectly normal... I remember when my mom first died I was very numb and confused about everything... Than when Dad died four months later it was a repeat of how I felt when mom died.. I hope this helps and I will keep you in my prayers... Take care Shelley