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2 Years On The 20th


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It will be two years on the 20th of this month since i lost my mother. I'm 19 years old now and I still just want to be able to curl up on my mom's lap and have her play with my hair like she used to.The thing is though that a depression hit me as soon as the month started. It seems like every day im looking at my scrapbook just thinking about what could of been and the way things were. Alot of people tell me that i've had to grow up fast and i'm stronger because of this. But it really doesnt help, when I think about what happened. My mom passed away when I was 17 and my dad a couple months later when I was 18. There's so much I never got to talk to her about, so much I didnt know about her life before she had me.I'm always worrying that i'm going to screw up and somehow fail her. I just wish I could have my mom back.

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butterflygrl,

I haven't lost my parents, but I lost a grandmother that lived with us since before I was born and she and I were closer to each other than my mom and I were. You have had so much to deal with at a very young age. My heart goes out to you. All I can say is this as you are going through life, you are going to make mistakes that is tjust a fact of life no matter who is around you. It is what you do with those mistakes that will determine if your klife gets screwed up or not. If you learn from your mistakes and don't make the same mistakes over and over then your life will be a good life. It is when you keep doing the same mistakes over and over expecting different results, that is when life will get screwed up. I know that this doesn't replace your parents actually being there, but just remember that they are looking out for you, they are with you everywhere you go. When in doubt of a situation find a quiet place somewhere and talk it out with them. The answers will come and you will have peace with those answers which will tell you what you need to do. If you can make it through this, you will be able to make it through anything life throws your way. Please continue to come to this site there are a lot of people that will be glad to help you in any way we can.

Derek

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Butterflygrl,

I am 53 and lost my father a year and 6 months ago. I can't even begin to imagine losing both of my parents at your age. I am so sorry for your losses and how you are feeling right now. It is normal to feel depression at this point, so don't worry about that. First of all, it takes a long time (sometimes years and years) to really come to grips with your grief and finally be able to cope with it. And second, it is especially hard around any kind of "anniversary" (like the date of death) or during holidays. It hits most people hard at those times. So, you are not losing it or regressing in any way, you're just still grieving.

As far as making mistakes, the advice that Derek gave you is right on the mark. And, remember that your mom loved you and would be proud of you no matter how many mistakes you make! And believe me, we ALL make them! But they are the things that make us learn, so sometimes a mistake is not always so bad.

You are an incredible girl to have gotten this far. Hang in there.

A big hug to you,

Shell

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I am so sorry for your losses. i lost my mine this july and my dad 4 1/2 yrs ago. i am older then you with my own family , it must be so hard to be so young with out them. do you have siblings?

it is normal to feel depressed you have every right to. you have been through alot in a couple of yrs. take one moment at a time. pls talk to who ever you can and come to this site alot. it really does help to write it out.

pls don't worry about making mistakes, we all do. we are only human,as long as we learn from them that is the important thing.

lori

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Hi butterflygrl,

I am very sorry for your loss, I lost both of my parents last year... One in April of 2005 and the other in August of 2005... So I have just recently went through their first years since they died... I hope that you continue to post here and that you find comfort in what you have read... Take good care Shelley

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