Another Loss

[avsqr_dancer]

I realize that this not really the "proper" board to share this particular loss, yet I feel very close to many of you here, so I am choosing this board to share more bad news. Yesterday morning my dear mother-in-law died from a heart attack. Both my husband and I have had so much loss in the past year and a half that I really wonder if it will every end. Although she had been in poor health for awhile, this still came as a shock. And it was only two days before a surprise 50th birthday party for her daughter that we had been planning together. She was so looking looking forward to it, and I feel so angry that she was cheated of this.

Also each new loss brings up all the old losses, and when I went with my husband to the mortuary, I remember my own experiences only a little over a year ago, planning the funerals of my own parents only 7 weeks apart. And I thought of Tawny again, and of how much I miss her and miss my parents. Life just is so tough sometimes.

Thanks for listening to me and I am sure you understand why I felt better sharing this loss on this board than on another board where I don't know anyone.

[MartyT]

Serl, dear,

We're so very sorry to learn of the sudden, unexpected death of your dear mother-in-law. Of course we understand and deeply appreciate your need to share this sad news with those you know and trust here. Please know that we are with you in spirit, as we hold you in gentle thought and prayer tonight.

[Maylissa]

Dearest Serl,

Oh my goodness, my friend...how very awful for you and your husband! I'm so very sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's passing and my heart goes out to you with this new and sudden extra loss in your life. I, too, am shocked to hear you've been handed yet something else to mourn in such a short time period and I know how overwhelming, inexplicable and unfair this feels. (lost my Mum and brother only 2 months apart, and my H lost an uncle, an aunt and his grandmother the same year as my losses) Even when it's rather expected, it can still be such a shock...just as it can be with our furbabies. It's perfectly understandable when one loss brings up other losses and especially when they're all so close together! I wish I could physically be there for you right now, to hold you and, well, just BE there. But I am here, at least.

I'm glad you feel that you can come to this forum to share your pain and help us lighten the load, although I would also think that the other forum(s) would also find you among friends as well...and we on this forum can always 'follow' you there! (anyone who uses the "View New Posts" feature would see your name) It was in the Loss of a Parent forum that I first began here, and too soon I was also posting in Loss of a Sibling, and this forum, too. It is only now that my focus has been mainly in this forum to more of an exclusion of the others, but when I started, I often jumped around as needed. But there are good folks on ALL of them and if you need to use other ones, too, so be it...whatever brings you the most help and comfort. Wherever you post, I'll be reading.

You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'll be waiting to hear whatever you need to talk about. Please also extend my condolences to your husband (Rick?, was it?), too, and let him know that we are available to help hold him up here as well, and that there are already a few men on this board who find it helpful to share their pain. I'm just so very sorry. Whether you believe in them or not, may your own personal angels surround you with their love and concern and help you to find what you need, wherever and whenever.

Edited November 4, 2006 by Maylissa

[avsqr_dancer]

Thank you Maylissa and Marty for your kind words of support.

Maylissa, I actually first came to this grief loss board a year and a half when my parents died, and it was then I saw the many different loss boards within this umbrella, including the pet loss board. I was glad to see there was a board for pet loss, but I never imagined I'd be visiting it so soon.

I am so exhausted now. But wanted to say hi and thanks for being here.

[Maylissa]

Serl,

Please forgive my poorer-than-poor memory! Since this had never fully recovered since my other losses, and it's now ever worse than almost 3 yrs ago, I'm finding I don't even remember what day it is lately, much less many other things! I did 'know', somewhere in the dark recesses of my head, that you'd been elsewhere here, but it just escaped me when I wrote this (above).

It's not surprising that you're so exhausted, as I'm sure you know. Rest assured, we'll all still be here for you whenever you're more up to talking again. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband, as always.

[avsqr_dancer]

Thanks, Maylissa,

Today was my MIL's funeral. I am just glad that is over. Each new loss just reminds one of the losses before, as I am sure you are all too aware of. My MIL was a great animal lover, and was always surrounded by pets. I still remember the day I told her of Tawny's illness, and of how sad she was and how supportive. My wish is that she is now there with Tawny and they are giving each other all the love that they both so richly deserve.

[Maylissa]

Dear Serl,

I'm so glad you've let us/me know how you're faring of late. I'm certain today was so hard on you, considering everything! As well as her being your MIL, it must be extra hard to have lost a fellow animal lover... my heart, too, is always pained by the world's loss of such a person, as there aren't enough of us to begin with. I'm CERTAIN that she and Tawny are together again, surrounded by and also exuding great love as they sit beside you, unseen, as I always seem to be when it comes to other people's animals and humans, yet strangely, not as certain for myself! Also, the fact that she was so supportive of you during Tawny's illness, and I assume also her crossing, must make her loss even more grievous, as she was another link for you to Tawny.

Strangely, with Nissa's loss, I'm only missing my Sabin more again, yet not reliving my Mum's and bro's losses. But then, I suspected it might be this way, as it's almost as if I've put off missing Sabin as much as I might have otherwise during the last few yrs, because I was too busy with Nissa's needs...so I kinda figured when she went, it would be BOTH of them, as a team, that I'd miss the most. And I was right. Their losses are rather like major parentheses around my other losses.

If you haven't read Allison DuBois' books yet, especially her second one, "We Are Their Heaven", you might find it extremely comforting right now, as she has many readings on humans who have crossed and are clearly still around their loved ones, plus a few mentions of family animals coming through with them. I know it won't satisfy the basic desire to just have them back on the earthly plane with you, but it's still somewhat of a comfort to hear about how much they still care about and for us and our lives, and how they continue to help us. I promise that many of her stories will astound and warm you during this pain-filled time.

Thinking of you always and sending you great, big hugs for healing! And I don't have any doggie hugs, but here's a tawny-coloured furry one nonetheless!

Love,

Maylissa

Edited November 10, 2006 by Maylissa