Touching

[DoubleJo]

When I lost my first husband after 27 years, I wanted and needed to be held and hugs big time. Now, 5 years after his death and 8 months after the death of my second husband( we lived together for 3 1/2 years), a very nice widower is totally interested in me. It was a relief when my first husband died, not so this time. My new friends' wife died 1 year ago. He is smitten with me. At times I can really enjoy his company. At others my mind is working , comparing, anaylizing. This time I have an aversion to being touched. I broke out in a big cry when we left a restaurant. I did something I wanted to do real badly; cry on his chest as he held me. My previous

husband held me as I cried over my first one. He went slower with me as I got to know him. This gentleman is physically moving quicker. I was glad I snuggled in his chest, yet I am afraid this time of this closeness. I don't feel guilty, or anything like that. Any experiences you can share? thoughts?

Doublejo

[kayc]

"At others my mind is working, comparing, anaylizing. This time I have an aversion to being touched." It doesn't sound like you're quite ready. Just because HE is ready and smitten doesn't mean YOU need to rush yourself. Listen to your own inner self. There's nothing wrong with seeing someone, but you have to be ready to get to know them for themself without comparison and certainly without aversion...otherwise it seems like it'll be heartbreak coming for HIM.

[missingcharlie]

DoubleJo - I don't really have anything to say because I can't even imagine. I have often wondered how the rest of my life will go because I don't think that I could ever be intimate with anyone else. I WOULD feel like I was cheating even tho my husband left me a letter in which he told me that he wanted me to be happy and find someone again someday. That I deserved to be happy again. Maybe so, but that will be very hard for me.

I think maybe KayC might be right...maybe you're not as ready as you think. I understand the "wanting" but you need to let this guy know that he's going too fast. Men are different when it comes to that kind of thing...(OK, SOME men)

I also noticed that you live in Arizona. I do too, and we have a widows/widowers lunch every 3rd Sat. We would LOVE to have you come and join us. We're a fun group and there are more women than men(go figure!), but we enjoy getting together and just chatting. There are a couple of women from this website that I have gotten to come; most of them are from Widowsnet.org. There is usually only 6-10 people there, but I think you would enjoy it. We meet at 1pm at the Applebee's on Central and Camelback. We even have a couple of ladies that come from Prescott area..... If you are interested just show up on the 18th this month!! I hope you will come and meet us!

Patti

[DoubleJo]

Kayc; You are right. I am trying too hard to feel things I think I OUGHT to feel, but am not yet. I told him he is ahead of me in grieving. I still have some more to do. He is trying to respect that. He is ready to move on further than I am. I want to get to know him more, first. I know he is also vulnerable. I see that I am still unsure of things, feeling too lost still. I need to let myself slow down. Isn't it amazing how hard we are on ourselves? Perhaps I'm making it harder than it needs to be. Thank you for another perspective. Doublejo

Patti: Thanks for your response. You are right about men. My Last husband had a daughter. He was less sexual. This fellow has a son. The sensitvity towards womens' views are different. Thanks for the invite. I am not able to drive at this time. Otherwise I would come. If someone is in my area that I could shareride with, I would gladly pay for gas. (East Valley).