First Post...lost My G'pa, My Rock, In July.

[KittyLove]

Hi. Thank goodness I found this board. I have been reading all your posts for about a week. It makes me feel better knowing I really am not going crazy over here.

My story--since I married the most wonderful man 3.5 years ago, I have had so much loss in my life. I really think God gave me my husband at just the right time. Little did I know what lay ahead of me.

My mom was/is bi polar and skitzo. If anyone has any experience with people like this, huge upheavals of emotion can really throw a person into outer space--mentally speaking of course. Unfortunately at my wedding, my mom actually thought she was there. It sucked. After my wedding, all kinds of crazy stuff happened and now I say I lost my mother then. I dont know this lady now. Because of my moms issue, I was extremely close with her parents, my grandparents. The year following my wedding, I dealt with my mom and then my g'ma got very ill and passed one week after my 1st anniversary date. Both of these losses were very difficult to deal with. I think I have been in a minor, but very manageable depression since.

But then in July, my gpa passed. It was quite sudden. He went in for surgery and passed 3 weeks later. This guy was my stability. He was the only one ever that was so proud of me and my acomplishments. The rest of my family just sucks. No support. I cant seem to get over how abondoned I feel. I have always felt this way, due to the issue w/ my mom...and my dad has never really been there for me. But now, its overwhelming almost...certain days I just sob and sob. I feel like a volcano of emotion and I erupt. Then I feel better for about a week.

And I dont know where all my friends went...WTF i say to myself!!! No emails, no calls to check in. I am blown away. I can safely say I have my hubby and one other couple who I am very close to, who were very close friends with my grandparents, that I can actually talk to. I guess that is more than others...but I have to say I have a large network of 'friends'! What the hell??!!

Oh ya, during this whole time my gpa got sick and passed, we moved to another city. Its been a little much for me. The best way I have always kept my depression at bay is with exercise and eating right, but I am actually contemplating an anti depressant which scares the crap out of me. But my negative thoughts and crying, I feel are getting in the way of my life.

Am I rambling??? Thanks for reading this all the way through. Any thoughts are welcomed.

[dpodesta]

I am glad you found this board also. That is quite a bit of change that you have had to deal with recently. What you are going through is normal, that is if anyone can really say what normal is.

As far as anti-depresants go, you will find that there are a lot of opinions about them on this site, some for them and some against them. Listen with an open mind to all and then talk to your doctor, he or she will be able to help you make the right descision that is best for you. I myself have been on anti-depressants since my wife died 8 months ago. The anti-depressants do not get rid of the feelings, they do not make you to where you are happy about everything, that is what a lot of people think they do. What they do for me is level out my emotions. Instead of having very low lows and very high highs in my emotions they help to level them. One of the other fears is that you will become addicted to them, the doctor will know what he is doing and when it is time to stop taking them he will start cutting your dosage down over a period of time until you stop taking them altogether.

I hope some of this has helped and I will be praying for you.

Derek

[shell]

Kittylove,

Like Derek, I too am on antidepressants. Everything he said is right and if you feel you need them, talk with your doctor as he suggested. And, please, don't be afraid of them. I was too, but they really helped me.

As far as friends abandoning you, almost all of us on this site have had the same experience! And family not being there....ditto! It does make you feel abandoned and alone. Just be thankful for your hubby and your "true" friends.

I am so sorry for your losses and all that you have had to go through. From my own "story" to others on this board, I have found that it seems like "when it rains, it pours"! If it isn't more than one death, it's some other serious problems that pop up...it just sometimes never seems to end! We always say to take one day at a time and just try your best to hang in there and take care of yourself at this time. I'm glad you found this board. There are so many caring, loving people here to help you. So hang in here with us and vent all you want!

Hugs to you,

Shell

[Sandra-T]

Hi, I hope you are doing ok. I was never close with my Dad, and when I lost my Grandpa it was shattering. It was long ago, but it still hurts, Then 4 years ago my Gram,(also very close to her) then my Dad, and this week my Mom. I feel alone. I have a sister I don't get on with that well, a daughter who is very difficult(adult), and 3 little granddaughters who I feel need me, or I would have nothing left to go on with. I have a decent husband, but he doesn't know what to say or do to help. I don't even know either, so how can he. He is younger than me and has never lost anyone. I have been on antidepressants for ahwile now, due to my daughters bad behaviors, and worries over the little ones, so now when I need an extra boost, I have no where to turn. I agree with what someone said, they do not take away the pain or sadness, they just keep you somewhat from feeling hysterical, which sometimes is really helpful.

Oh, I notice I am getting less friend contact also. I have one good friend, which I am grateful for, who went through almost the exact scenario last year with her Mom. So we talk and it helps some. But nothing can really help. Time, eases it a little, but only a little. Its just something that becomes part of your life, you have no more real "family", from the older generation. It seems unfathomable soemtimes. I feel like I will probably rarely if ever see the other "half" of the family, ,my sister and nieces, again. There seems no reason, now that Mom is gone. We kind of kept up the family beahvior for her, and now she isn't there to care. Its all so bewildering. I thought I was used to grief by now, it seems to be getting way too frequent, but it was the worst this time, as I was there when she died, and the image is stuck in my head, and it won't go out and let me sleep, or even think straight. Hopefully it was some comfort to her, cause it sure messed me up!

Take care.

Sandra

[shell]

Sandra,

I have recommended this book before. It's called "Final Gifts" and is written by Hospice nurses. It is a comforting look at death and what they have witnessed with the dying. I read it after my dad died and it was very comforting to me. For all of you with the images stuck in your head, try this book, it might help you. I wish I had read it years ago.

Hugs,

Shell