Feeling Crappy

[MarieR]

Hi Everyone..I haven't written in a while, but I am reading along. I have hit the one year mark...the one year anniversary of when my best friend died. I honestly think that the anticipation and angst over the one year mark was worse than the actual day. I guess because I know daily that my friend has died...and the one year anniversary was a painful reminder, but it also showed me that time has moved on and I have in small amounts. I still feel crappy emotionally, like damage has been done that I will never heal from. Physically, I am wobbly and weak feeling...I feel sick...but can't pinpoint where in my body. I've had $2000. worth of bloodwork done and they tell me I'm healthier than I've ever been. Amazing, because I feel at times like I am dying. Has anyone else experienced the wobbly, uncoordination and out of sync feelings? I know it's part of it, but it still scares me. I want to feel good again...to be able to relax and be in my body, in my life. I want to know and feel excitement and peace again. I am exhausted...help...I need to know it's all normal for grief and it will eventually end.Thanks...Marie

[dpodesta]

Yes, I would say it is normal, I have the same feeling going on at times. I wish I could tell you when it will end, but I can't I am only 8 months into this since my wife died. I like you am so ready to be rid of these feelings. For myself I get this tight feeling in my stomach to where I can't eat, to think of food just makes me nausas. In all the reading I have found that this is normal, grief will manifest itself in many way emotionally and physically. You feel sick and like there is something wrong with you, but there isn't, it is just the effect that grief has on a person. So don't worry (easier said than done sometimes) it is normal and I am sure it will get better, it will just take time. You are right tho, this is something that will always be with you, you never totally get rid of it, but the intenseness of it will decrease as time goes on. May God grant you the peace and healing you are looking for.

Derek

[shell]

Marie,

I agree with Derek, this is normal. I have that wobbly, uncoordinated, out of sync feeling at times. And I also feel like I'm sick. Just had blood work done recently and I was ok there. I feel like I have fibromyalgia (I ache all over) and I'm sure I have an ulcer. I think it's just the emotional toll that grief brings hitting us physically too. You said that you felt like damage had been done that you will never recover from...wow, that is put so well! That's how I feel too. And I think we never will totally recover from it, but we will learn how to live again with that part still with us, tucked away in our hearts. Try to do ANYTHING that makes you laugh or feel better. Grab any little moment of happiness, joy, peace, whatever else you need. Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell

[MarieR]

Hi Shell and Derek...thanks for your comforting replies...it makes me feel better to think I will get beyond all the intense stuff. I've been told that the physical manifestations last much longer than the emotional.It has definately gotten easier emotionally and I guess physically too. I think the numbness and shock have worn off and my body is feeling everything again. I know I was in shock physically, for a while. I couldn't feel parts of my body..I slowly feel it returning to normal...and I mean slowly. I feel like I've been run over by a train...a long one...or that I've been shattered into a million pieces and I'm picking them all up and putting them back together again. I am trying to incorporate as much fun, joy into my life as I can. I feel like I am operating at about 50..maybe 60% of who I am...who I was. I pray for strength, faith and patience...because I think those are the main things to get us thru. Peace to everyone here.Marie

[lorikelly]

Marie

I understand how you feel, because i get like that. i think this is noraml for what we have gone through. at least i hope so. my mom is gone 6 mos. i know that mine is alot of anxiety, i can feel when it is happening and it is awfuld. the attacks are horrilbe had a bad one yesterday. all i can say is that we pray that God gives us the strenght to get through this journey. Peace and love to you. Lori