Can Not Escape The Sadness-dad

[McKenzee]

Good Evening,

My Dad passed away on May 9, he was 72,he chose to stop dialysis after me and my mom had to make an immediate decision to start dialysis after bypass surgery. We both knew and he knew he had kidney problems before surgery and knew he did not ever want on dialysis but we felt we had to until he could really decide himself. He was on dialysis for about 9 months and always felt terrible. After stopping dislysis most people only live 10-14 day, he lived 5 weeks, 2 of which he was happier than he had been in years, we got alot of talking and crying done. He was at peace with his decision. Now the problem, I cant stop crying even after 7 months I feel kinda mad at him for leaving me, I would give anything to pick up the phone and just say Hi. I know you problaly think this is normal (whatever normal is) but I miss him so much.

Mom and all the rest of my family seem to be handling thins better that I am.

Anyone have any advice or info that might help.

Thanks

McKenzee

[shell]

McKenzee,

As you predicted, I'm going to tell you this is normal! I'm so sorry for your loss. And, believe it or not, the rest of your family may not be handling it any better than you, just looking as if they are. I say this because I may look to other people as if I'm handling things well, but in private I'm a wreck! Anyway, it doesn't matter. You can cry all you want and that's a good thing. It helps relieve the tension and sadness and (for me anyway) is the one big way I've "handled" it. You have to progress at your own rate and in the way that is right for you. And being mad is so normal too, so don't feel guilty about that.

Hugs,

Shell

[lorikelly]

McKenzee

You are normal. It has been 6 mos for my mom and i cry everyday and still ask why she had to leave. i know why but i am always hoping for a answer. my mom was bedridden for 18 mos and i became angry at her b/c she had given up , i wanted her to fight to live for me at least. i realize now that was selfish but i was so damn scared of losing her. i should of told her that but i never wanted to discuss dying b/c then maybe i could stop it. i learned you can't and i missed out on precious time. things i should of said i didn't and things i should of done differently. i told her when she was in hospice about 2 weeks before she passed that i was afraid of how i would be when i didn't have her. i still did talk about her dying. oh i just wanted her to live and i thought by not facing it i could stop it and she would keep going on. at that point she didn't want to but i wanted her to. i pray that she understands and forgives me. i am sorry i rambled on about me but i just wanted to let you know that we all have these crazy feelings and we all grieve differently. don't let anyone tell you, you are wrong. lori

[imallset]

Hello,

I am new here but feeling the same as you are. While my loss is at 18+ months of my Dad and 21 yrs for Mom. I still cannot grasp the sadness and complete lack of control of it that I am having. Some say it is normal, but it is so hard to cope.

I am so sorry for your loss, and like others said sorry to ramble on about myself. Hope that you can find some peace and comfort, you are not alone.

[McKenzee]

Thanks for everything, this is a very helpful board. I have read alot these last few days and I hope I can take some of the advice and others experience and start to feel a little better. I just did not expect it to be so hard.

Thanks again and have a good evening.

Mckenzee