Sorry

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I wanted to post this because I have written things in my given up post that I am totally confused about... I am so confused about what is happening to me and about how long is long enough to grieve... I have been told by my brother -in-law that one year is the normal... I have read other places that it takes as long as it takes... I am trying very hard to look to the positive but I have no one that I can talk to here and that is most of the problem.... I loved coming to the website and talking with everyone but just can not figure out how to find out how to answer some of the questions I have.... I do think some of the problems I have are that I am really lonely because of the fact of no one to talk too... So again I am sorry and would be glad to come back if I can get my own computer to work again and not have to share the one I am on.... Take care All and if I can I will return.... YOU ARE ALL LIKE A REAL FAMILY TOO ME... SHELLEY

[amanda]

hi shelley,

i hope you get this.

dont worry about whats normal or not,i think there is no such thing as normal when it comes to grief,although we all experience simalar feelings we all had different relationships with our loved ones so no two losses are the same.

try to go with the flow minute by minute if thats what it takes and dont let anyone tell you that you have grieved for long enough,its a personal thing and it cant be rushed.

Its been since may 2005 for me with my mum and i havent finished grieving if there is such a thing as finished.

look after yourself my friend.

all my love

from amanda

[Trudy1964]

Shelley,

I hope you get this also. What's normal? I was the strong one when my Mom passed. I signed all the papers, from hospice, do not resicitate, to the funeral bill. I did it all. I never left her casket. I took the oxygen tube off of her. I made decisions that my brothers and sisters weren't there to help me decide on. Now I'm falling apart both physically and emotionally. They have their moments but I seem to be having a harder time than them. I am on topomax, lexapro, and am seeing a counselor. We grieve in our own time. Our bodies take in only what we can handle. My therapist said if the body had to obsorb such a shock all at one time it would probably kill us. I have a friend who lost her son. His bedroom is still the same way as the day he died. He died when he was 16. He would be 30 this year.....

Take care Shelley

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

[dpodesta]

Shelly,

There is nothing to be sorry for. What you are doing is posting as best you can what is goin on in your mind. That is what this site is for so you can do that and others that are further into this process can give you their experiences. I know it is hard when you don't have the face to face conversations with someone else that has been there. It just seems like it would be so much easier. This is a difficult time for most of us right now with the holiday season in full swing. It is a time where a lot of memories come back to us and our emotions run wild. Hand in there and feel free to post what ever comes to mind I am sure there is someone here that will be able to help. And from what I have read and believe, you are right each one of us deals with grief a different way there is no one out there that can tell you when it is time to move on and get over this. What is right for one person is not always right for someone else. DO NOT let anyone tell you it is time to move on, only you will know when it is time.

Love always

Derek

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I feel really ackward about what I have been acting like, I know it is the grief but I am not the sort of person who acts the way I have been... Thank you All so very much, I feel more like when I am here than my family is home.. My real family just does not understand what I am feeling right now... When my mom and dad died they came to help get the house clear out but they got to go home to their own houses....My parent's house was also my house so I felt like I was pushed out of it and did not have any choose in the matter.... I hope this sounds right I just can not imagine that grief is so hard to it takes over your thoughts so much.... Take care and Thanks again Shelley

[dpodesta]

Believe me, grief can definately consume your thoughts. When I lost Karen that is all I thought about for awhile. There are still times that it comes back. I never lost a parent so I don't know what that is like, I am sure it is very similar.

[STARKISS]

Thanks Derek,

for your reply to the post, You are such a great person.. I can tell this just from what you have written from all the posts and replies you have made... Take care Shelley