1 Year Today

[BeeMay]

What a whirlwind year it's been.Emotionally up and down.

seems like yesterday we were waiting to see if she would be ok, and then the dreaded call, the frantic trip 1000 miles away by train..........

Today I spent a quiet day thinking about mum and my childhood.Talked to my youngest sister for about 2 hours.I'll ring my middle sister later tonight. My son is up there staying at at mums, and picked some flowers from her garden to put on her grave for me and my sister who can't getup there either.

no sign of my Dad. He told me he would be home this week as I told him Ben would be staying at his place,I have mums keys.I didn't take notice of the date, but surely he can't have forgotten? I really thought he would at least have rung us on the date even if he couldn't face the house and the memories that day,thats what my son thinks hes doing, hiding from his feelings.Me I just think he hasn't given it a thought, it's just another day, as our birthdays were when we were younger. My younger sister Lisa wants to ring him and tell him to F****&^&^%%$ off, not to bother her again. I thought he might honor mum a bit more than he has.last time I talked to him, he told me he was free now. he looked after mum and did everything for her for 4 years and now its his turn and he has to think of himself now.I just think that's selfish. He has been talked to by someone,because he started talking about grief and how he grieved for mum while she was sick for those 4 years etc, certainly wasn't Dadspeak, someone elses words for sure.I don't want to talk to him anymore really.If he rings I will, but I'm not ringing him.

Somehow I think he has realised we mainly rang and visited for mum not for him, and he's gone back to being as selfish as he was when we were young kids. My mum did everything for Dad and us kids ,and when she was 30 she wanted to go back to work.He "let" her but only if it didn't interfere with her housework and his meals and us kids afters school,so she worked night duty in a nursing home for 20 odd years. So when he had to do everything the cooking and washing etc ,we heard about it all the time, but if mum hadn't of gotten sick then he would have had an easy ride, as he does now, with this new lady,she likes housework was his comment about her, and he raves about her meals. So, my mum was a burden I read into most of his comments.Mum used to get upset sometimes about how he talked about her, and we just thought it was her depression etc, but now in hindsight,he did think like that.

well thats all the stuff going on in my head at the moment. Ahh this place is wonderful for a vent.I'm just sick of running on anger, and having my heart in my mouth if dad diegns to ring me.Ha that reminds me Lisa has taken to calling him tom, he's not dad anymore,he doesn't act like our dad,so she refers to him as tom!!!

okay thanks for listening once agian.Off to think about nice memories of my mum

[STARKISS]

Hi BeeMay,

I feel for you as you are at the one year mark, I can remember my one year mark when both my parents died... Mom's was in April 2005 and Dad's was in August 2005 (Months that they died in) When the one year anniversary turned up I remember thinking back and saying can I honestly remember anything about this year.... I went separately to different parks after buying balloons... I said a very nice prayer for them and released the balloons... I hope that your one year is okay for you and remember that we are all here for you... I will say a prayer for you... Take care Shelley

[Maylissa]

BeeMay,

I just wanted to let you know that your dad sounds alot like mine and I can empathize with your anger towards him. My Mum, too was constantly taken advantage of by my father, and worked to the bone to keep him in business (her only professional jobs once married were to work for him for the rest of her life). Without my Mother, he never would have had a cent left and our house would have been a total dump. Mum did virtually everything except a few of the 'manly' jobs, but even then, she did many of those as well. He was ready to "go out on the road" again, being a salesman (or con-man, as many of us called him) as soon as he sold their house after my Mum and then oldest brother died w/i 2 months of each other. Memories, honour, respect, reverence, and especially LOVE....all completely foreign words to my father. There was something missing from inside of him from the time he was born. It was only right and fitting that he suddenly end up in a nursing home with his dementia raging, after all he put everyone through. His dementia aside, he was STILL acting true to the way he'd always been, after Mum was gone...only those who don't know him well enough feel sorry for him and think his dementia was the cause of all his heinous ways. They'd be dead wrong. For me, I've never been so glad to be rid of someone in my life as I was the day he went into that home, never to torture anyone but himself ever again. I never had a real father, and never will. Some people just don't deserve those titles.

[LoriW]

Bernadette,

My prayers are with you. I am glad you have your sisters to give you comfort. I know at the 1 year mark of my Mom's death I really felt peaceful. As is the case for a lot of things pertaining to grief, the build up to the day was much wors.

Any way, I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lori

[shell]

Bernadette,

I'm so glad that you have been able to think about good memories of your mother on this first anniversary. As for your dad...I hate to say this, but it sounds like you are all better off without him. I know how very much this hurts. Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell