My Sister Died In Oct. 2006

[L. Williams]

This is the hardest thing I have ever went through...My sister was 33. She died due to an overdose of methadone and cocaine. I was really hard on her when she was here, I mean really hard on her. I have a son who is five...we (SHE AND I) grew up in a family of alcoholics and I have tried very hard to keep him far away from that lifestyle...therefore I didn't see her very often and when I did she and I would always end up in an argument. She left behind two teenage boys, which was one of the reasons I was so angry with her. I did not want them to be in that enviroment and DHS never got involved the way I thought they should(like you would see on tv) Anywa I am rambling..I guess I was so mad at her while she was alive that I am constantly defending her (although I know she was wrong) While making funeral arrangementS I would break down because I couldn't find clothes that I thought she would like. I know that probably sounds weird but I constantly felt like I was letting her down in some way (again) I still feel an extreme amount of Guilt for being so mean as if I was better than her because I didnt do drugs. Thats not what I thought. I just wanted to be close with her. That was all I ever wanted and I thought I would have plenty of time. I DIDNT. sO NOW TRYING TO JUST GET THRU A DAY WITHOUT A BREAK DOWN IS STILL A CHALLENGE. MY son is not dealing with it well and I am not helping.(although I dont get upset in front of him) Now he is scared his mommy is going to die too because my nephews are usually upset. I am 24 and I am just not sure of what to do anymore. I make sure to let them all see just enough tears to know that it is okay to cry, but I WILL NOT allow myself to break down in front of them Im the adult I need to be there for them. Anyway rambling again any suggestions would be most appreciated.

Thank you

[kellymarie]

I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss. This board is a great place to tell your story and let out your sadness and grief. I am so sorry you had to find us but I hope it will help you along the way.

[Janine]

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Your loss is tremendous. A sister is so precious and we always want to be close to our big sisters.

The choices you made in your relationship with her were to protect your son and there is no wrong there. The decisions we make often lead us to guilt when someone we love dies. It does not mean that we were wrong; it just means that we loved them and we wish circumstances were different. The guilt is there for all of us. It is a longing for a second chance.

Keep coming back and read through the posts and you will see bits and pieces of yourself. It makes us feel connected and less alone in our grief.

Peace is within you.

Janine

[L. Williams]

Thank you so much for your reply. It is very comforting. Thanks.

L. Williams

[andrea]

im sorry for the loss of you sister *hug* i lost my sister from alchol abuse age 30 and she also left 2 children. I went through the anger you are feeling now its all part off getting through it if you feel like getting mad let it happen and go outside and scream your head off i have to say when things got bad for me thats what i did. I have 1 of my sisters daughters living with me and she has been a great help as i have been to her telling her storys of things her mum did when she was a teen im rambling now i just wanted to let you know your not alone x