Bits & Pieces

[Dusky]

Hello to you all,

I have not posted on here for some time – however today I just posted a reply to WaltC’s posting regarding taxes – which you can read if you like – and provides a different point of view on taxes and another observation at tax laws established by our government.

Even tho I have not been posting recently I visit this site often and read the various messages of suffering and pain associated with the loss of our loved ones. I am still amazed at the deep sense of loss experienced by so many, and which is unaffected by the passage of time.

I too have some days that are good and some that are filled with excruciating pain over the loss of Jack. What was once only memories of all the pain of his illness and death have been softened by some good memories that have finally reached the surface. I am now just a few months away from two years with Jack – and I miss him just as much as the day his physical presence vanished. Time has begun to soften those ruff edges – but I can still find myself in tears when I hear a familiar song or see an item in the grocery store that he loved.

I have made tremendous progress that I owe in part to all of you who so graciously listened to me during those initial months – and year – of this process. I still have a wonderful core of five people who allow me to speak his name and cry when I want to. I have also lost contact with some dear friends and family who just drifted away from me. This has caused additional grief; however, there have also been new people who have entered my life. Somehow, we all manage to go on – and memories of the good life we had does sustain me. I still however feel the sting of a life cut short and a future lost. I remain committed to living a better life and fostering his memory for not only myself but those who loved him as well.

My book is currently being edited and soon I will be seeking out a publisher. My goal is to have it published by the end of the year. The current title – “Finding Jack “– may or may not change. Either way I will keep you all informed as to the title and when it is published.

I have also been working on an opportunity to tell my story of Jacks death - and how I survived it - by making a video presentation to the Oprah Winfrey show, which was looking for individuals who experienced a painful loss and how they found a unique and inspiring way to cope with that grief. The jury is still out as to whether I will be accepted. However, should I be so fortunate as to land a spot on her show – you all will be some of the first people I will share this news.

I continue to “work this grief” and am as determined as ever to transcend this most bitter phase of my life – and bring his sprit forward with me into the remaining days of my life.

It took me over a year and a half since Jacks death and the writing of my book and poems to realize a few things - and for those few things to actually sink into my heart and soul. I learned that love survives death, that nothing would ever or should ever separate me from my love for him. I found Jack in bits and pieces along the road to recovery. I found, in the way he lived his life, the building blocks for my own future. I found that because he had been here, I am different than I would have been. I would become his legacy. He travels with me now into tomorrow. He may have died but love never ends.

I want each of you to know how important you have been during all these months since Jacks death – and despite the fact that I do not post as often as I have in the past – that you remain a significant part to my path to recovery. You are all special, marvelous and loving souls – that I share a common bond with – and which will last a lifetime.

My best to each of you always,

John

Dusky is my handle on here.

Love you Jack

[kayc]

Dusky,

You mean a great deal to us, we are glad we got the chance to know you. We are interested in knowing the outcome of your book and also if your clip gets accepted on Oprah. You are very special to us. You have a profound way of expressing yourself...you are a spokesman for us all.

[LarrysGirl]

Hi John, so glad to hear from you again! I miss you posts and words of wisdom. You are ahead of me in this grief experience and I've followed your messages, learning as we go. Can't wait for the book to come out, it will be wonderful I'm sure. I know as time goes by we all will not post as often, but I learn so much from you, please keep in touch as often as you can. Deborah