Money Doesn't Buy Happiness

[Stallyn]

Hello all, well, I found my self feeling lousy since the life ins was resolved, I kept telling God to bring my wife back, I don't need the money, now the reality it setting in that I am alone and have to continue living by myself, so many decisions and not wanting to make any right now, I can't continue to rent much longer, too many memories and the place is deteriorating, I feel that my wife is nudging me to move forward, I can't explain it, I made a promise to her that I will always be wise with whatever comes in my hands, at this moment I don't know what to do.. I am bipolar with predisposed tendency of "shopping" compulsively to self medicate myself, and I ran out of tranquilizers 4 days ago! And now I am worried that my mother in law is not receiving any proceeds entitled to her. When does this nightmare end????

[karenb]

It seems like one of the most important things is to keep on your meds. I have a son who has a mental health problem and he just has to keep on the meds to function well. I hope the money thing goes away. It just seems like if there are things that people want, it can cause unfortunate feelings. Jack's three children, by his first wife, have not ever contacted me since his memorial and I always thought they liked me. In his will he wanted to be cremated, which I did, but his children wanted him to be in the cemetary next to their mother. I carried out his wishes, kept mimentos for them, but they never even wanted those. He wasn't very proud of them when he was alive and now I'm sure he and Betty (his first wife and my very good friend) wish their children would have acted differently. People do strange things. You know, I'm a list maker. After he died my list was really very long and I just walked through that list, one thing at a time, just made myself follow it until it was done. Maybe you can just think of what your wife would want you to do and go by her wishes. She probably is nudging you. Trust your intuition because, as I hear, that may be your wife talking to you. Take care, have the best day you can, and maybe think about getting those meds.

Your friend....Karen

[Stallyn]

I been trying to get my doctor to get them asap, always something gets in the way of progress, Now what happens is my mother in law has a problem with her son receiving all the ins instead of her getting a portion which she needs badly, I am worried that he will somehow find a way to neglect his duty to her, as he doesn't have any responsibilities for a 42 year old, Now she's hurt and wondering why she didn't designate her as a beneficiary, that was a stake in my heart and made my life much more painful, I don't understand human nature right now, I have enough here to worry about but she is the mother of my wife, I am sorry that Jacks children behave the way they do, I am sure he is saddened by the behavior, I hope you don't take their behavior personally, I have seen the true colors of people when things get tough, and I know Myrna has kept me from strangling some people, I now have been feeling her presence after all this time, and my prayers have been answered until now. Always a blessing to hear your encouragement Karen, Hope all is well with you, I will keep you in my prayers.

William

[Steven]

William,

Is it possible that when you go shopping and find something that pushes your 'buy' button, to wait to make your buying decision a day later? Instead of making impulse decisions, you'll probably find that quite often you're not interested enough to return to buy these items. The same idea will probably work even if you're an online shopper. If you feel Myrna is nudging you, and you promised to make wise decisions, this extra step might help.

I agree with both you and Karen--job one is getting your meds. In the future, is it possible to order them online from a co. that will email a reminder, or from a pharmacy that will remind you that you need a new script? Money seems to creep into everything--it's just inescapable these days, and dealing with money issues on top of coping with the loss of a spouse or other loved one makes a difficult situation even more difficult. Are the proceeds your mother-in-law is supposed to receive written in legal form, or are the funds dispersed at his whim? If it is a legal writ, maybe you can direct her a little?

Karen, it's really strange that the three children haven't contacted you, especially when you thought you were well-liked by them. I'm curious--is it possible that they are thinking similarly to you? They thought you liked them, and they haven't heard from you? It sounds from your description of Jack's review of them, unlikely, but the thought did pop into my tiny brain.

I recall when Tanya's grandmother died. There was some bickering about who would get what, the oldest brother changed the locks on T's grandmother's doors; there were hard words said by almost everyone. Tanya remained quiet throughout the ugliness. At one point, during their battle, her uncle's wife, after claiming all she wanted, asked her "isn't there something you want, dear?" Tanya said "no, everything I wanted or needed from grandma died with her." It was sort of poetic moment. If it was even possible to shame them, it occurred in that moment. Sometimes, the young are much wiser than their elders.

[karenb]

Steven - I did try for some time to contact them. It did no good so I figured that was it! So, I put their mimentos (urns with the ashes, pocket watches for the grandchildren, etc.) in a box, if they ever decide to want something of their Dad's. Their loss doesn't bother me now at all. But thanks for asking.

Karen

Edited May 23, 2007 by karenb

[Steven]

Karen,

Wow--that's just plain mean. After you contacted them, they ignored you. I can't imagine what can make someone lose their ability to empathize and commiserate, especially over a shared loved one. From your posts, I can see that you're correct--it was their loss for sure.

I'm glad you found a place to share your compassion.

[AnnieO]

I thought I would add my 2 cents to insensitive family posts.

When my dad went into the hospital(Dec.06) his 2 long lost sisters suddenly appeared. They called, went to visit him, called me with their conerns about the care he was getting..etc. I know this sounds silly to get upset about but one of them even had the nursing home put her number above mine to contact in case of emergency. We have lived by this sister for over 20 years and I have never seen her. Well, one day they wanted to meet with my brother and I...it was all nice and sweet and "how can they help"...blah,blah,blah...then the conversation turned to money. We informed them there isn't any money..it's all gone. We haven't heard from them since...they haven't visited my dad once, it was over a month ago. I am glad they have disappeared again!

[Stallyn]

Steven,

That is a excellent idea! The meds, they always will be a problem for me since I haven't seen the Pdoc in 2 months, the pharmacy did call today to tell me the meds got approved on the 26th, its a lack of understanding of the people at the clinic that RIGHT now I need the meds to keep adjusted. I don't think I have to be dealing with it every day though. My mother in law was not in the proceeds, I am hoping and praying her son will do the right thing since my hands are tied.

Karen & AnnieO, good riddance, who needs their negativity and bad vibes around you, its obvious that you ARE suffering the most and they are only seeking for personal gain and nothing else, a price tag is always attached to everything they do it seems to me.

[karenb]

Negativity and bad vibes is true. Thanks so much. I only think about it once in a while. You guys are great!

Karen