6 Months

[Criskz]

The 7th of this month was 6 moths since my baby was shot. The 8th was 6 months since he left me. The 7th would have been also our 9 months of being married. The 6th was my b-day. We were supposed to get pregnant this year, once I turned 28 which I am now. Man it's been a heck of a month.

And now I'm supposed to decide if I want to go back to Mexico for his brothers graduation. They really want me to go, but I just can't imagine going back to Mexico and not having my baby wait for me in the airport like he always did. I'm so confused. I can't believe 6 months have gone by. It's like someone pressed the fastfoward button time has past really fast and somehow here I'm back in Houston working and apperantly doing great as far as everyone else is concern. But I'm not I just can't relate to anyone so I just don't talk about it, don't trink about it..I'm just num and tired all the time. It would be great if I could just sleep all day. Somedays I'm so tempted to give up and refuse to get out of bed...but I never do.

[karenb]

Six months is a short amount of time to be dealing with all the feelings you have but you are going on....as you should. I don't know your story but it sounds devastating! It's so sad you didn't really have much of a chance with each other before this awful thing happened. Maybe you're stronger than you think. We all are going through these things we sure don't want to. I would just love being with my husband again. It's been two years for me now and I still miss him. We don't get over it...just get used to it....a saying from an 88 year old woman I visit who lost her husband when her children were very small and never remarried. She is right. Take care of yourself. Things will eventually smooth out.

Karen

[kayc]

Criskz,

Wow, that is an awful lot to deal with especially for someone so young. All of those firsts are so hard to deal with...the first time you get groceries without him, the first time you see family without him, the first time you go through a birthday without him, yet each and every time you face a "first without" head on and make it through it, you get a little stronger. It might make you feel better to be with his family, even though initially it might be hard to see them without him. All of those are things you alone need to consider and decide what is best for you.

You are not alone in facing these decisions, they are hard but we are here to go through it with you. If you ever need a place to vent or someone to understand, we are here.

Edited August 15, 2007 by kayc

[Criskz]

Thanks for the support Karenb and Kayc.

It is true that we had little time together...I get really mad thinking about it. But it's also true that the time we did have together we both lived it very intensely. He was all about living in the present and doing new stuff. I did so many things with him, that I never imagine I would do. He would always ask me...Did you ever imagine you would be doing this?! He taugth me so so much.

I just bought my ticket to Mexico. I'm going for 3 day. I'm very very scared, but I decided it's something that I have to do.

[karenb]

Try and have a good time in Mexico. Are you from there? It's been wonderful for me, too, being married to someone who introduced me to many things and wonderful times. I'll always cherish those times as I'm sure you will. What's that expression.....it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Well, we've been there, done that, and personally I'm so glad I did. Have a peaceful trip. Karen

[Criskz]

Thanks Karen! I'm not from Mexico, my husband was from Mexico. He loved his country. I can't beliebe I'm going to be going back and he is not going to be there...but it will be ok I hope

[kayc]

Criskz,

When are you supposed to go to Mexico?

[Criskz]

I'm off to Mexico this coming Thursday The graduation is that night. I'm staying Friday and return on Saturday. I'm debating whether I should go to the police station to see if they have any updates on the case...although I know they don't, they are so useless. Not sure if that is just going to ruin my trip, but I feel like I'm not doing anything to get those guys caught and it's making me feel guilty.

[kayc]

Criskz,

It might not hurt to let them know that YOU haven't forgotten and want them to do their job. I'll keep you in my prayers...go expecting to have a good time and realize you will have mixed feelings...it always helps me to try to focus on why I'm someplace, in this case...his brother.