David Sent Me A Dream

[Jan 44]

Hi Friends, It's been a while since I've been on. I had a most amazing experience and wanted to share it - perhaps some of you have experienced something similar. Last week was extremely rough. David's birthday was on Tuesday, the 18th, Wednesday the 19th was 5 months since he "left" and Thursday was week #22. I felt so overwhelmed with grief the entire week. In my journal on Thursday night, in desperation, I asked David to "please send me a good dream". Friday night I had a dream wherein I was the one who died and David was the one doing this "Hell journey". David couldn't cope. I was the one who developed coping skills out of necessity (David was in the army for 27 years). In my dream all his old demons came back to haunt him. He was in AA and had been sober for 10 years and after becoming a 5-year survivor of lung cancer he had stopped smoking 3 years ago. In my dream he was drinking, smoking, not eating and his cancer had returned. Our children were not only grieving losing their mother but knew they were also losing their beloved father. I woke up covered in sweat with tears streaming down my face. At that moment I realized that if our Higher Power had to call for one of us, I understood why He/She called David. It sounds so weird, but that realization has given me a bit of peace. I would never want David it suffer by going down this road. He had always said he wouldn't want to live without me. Jan

[dpodesta]

Jan,

I can relate to what you are saying, while I haven't had a dream like the one you described, I have talked to several relatives and close friends who have said that they don't know how Karen would have managed if it had been me instaed of her. I know in my heart that she would have been able to do it, it would have been difficult but she would have done it. I for one tho am glad that it wasn't me. Sure it would be the easy way out but like I have said in the past, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I wouldn't have wanted her to go through the hell I have been through. I just look forward to the day when I get to see her again.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

I feel exactly the same way. My love for George was such that I would never have wanted him to go through any of this and I don't think for the life of me he could have made it through with any positive outcome, I think it would have done him in. While I wish I hadn't had to go through it, I am very thankful if one of us had to, it was me and not him.