Concern For

[walter/Erica]

Jody 25 years old, is much more communicative than Jill ( 19) I am not quite sure if I am handling her correctly. I have probed honestly and directly, but she has informed me that she does not want to speak about her feelings / her dad. She will come to me if she needs to, so she says. She does feel sad at night but prefers being on her own. She actually seems to be fine.. doing much better at varsity this simester, is socializing, has a boyfriend, and actually seems to have alot of her late fathers attitude " just get on with it" In my gut I feel that i need to respect her. Jody my son says it will probably hit her intensely later on.. for example at at her wedding ... I have noticed that she is alert to my feelings....She will know if I cried silently. Also she is a bit fretful when I do business travel, and when I sometimes venture out on my own.....Where have you been, mommy..she gets upset when people pass comments about me remarrying. Tells them no! that will never happen...I also heard her tell her boyfriend that she will always stay with me in my home to look after me Please advise....

[dpodesta]

Erica,

All I can suggest is to keep encouraging her to talk. I lost my grandmother at 16, while this is different than losing a parent, she had lived with us since the day I was born, her and I had a deeper bond than I did with my parents at the time. For many years after that, I never cried and didn't let my emotions show other than anger. I shoved as many feelings down as I possibly could. It caused me a lot of heartache. Now girls are different than boys so she may not have any problems. But what you descrribed sounds like the way I was. When my Mother-in-law died amost 13 years later I was able to cry again and my emotions were more visible, I was able to relive and grieve the loss of my grandmother as well, I relized I had truly never grieved. I hope some of my experience may help you with this. Like I said before encourage her to talk, seek out a counsler if needed, I think that if someone had taken the time to talk to me from the start I might not have had to go through the things that I have. You will probably get some opposition from her at first, so don't hound her, but just bring up something every so often to test the waters.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

I would let her know that you do not want or expect her to curtail her life for you, that you are an adult and will adjust to your new life. My son did the same thing and I had to assure him that he didn't need to live here and take care of me. I would respect her wishes but continue to talk with her a bit and maybe she will eventually open up. She has a boyfriend and friends, that's good, perhaps she opens up to them and you're not aware of it. As far as her adamantly denying you'll ever remarry, I'd let that go for now and if/when that situation should change then there's time enough to broach it. It is too soon to even talk about or concern yourself with. I know that people told me I'd find someone else when George first died and that made me furious! I would never say that to anyone who just lost someone, in fact, I'd never bring that up, period. Maybe she'll open up to her older sister with time?

[walter/Erica]

Thanx Kayc and Derek, I will keep my antennae up and give her more time. I need to realise that jody ( my son) and jill my daughter are different...Will trust God to take crae of them Just like he is caring for me

Love Erica x