It Is Getting Difficult

[teny]

A year ago when I started this journey I had a hope by time passing it would be easier The pain groes stonger and I miss Yiany and my life .All I do is work .Feeling exhausted and fatige I dont find ways to handle myself.I take homeopath pills for depression but I see no progress.It seems that many of you have more gourage and strength .Will I ever find a way of living? Will I ever start to love my kids and grand kids the way I did? Are my days going to be worth living? I need all the help of you my far away friends.Thank you TENY

[Corinne]

Teny,

How long have you been taking the pills? It takes usually 3 weeks to get into your system. If you have been on them that long with no change then you should really talk to your doctor about getting on something else. I have just started taking medication and it is not in my system yet but I am hoping that it helps. You also have to remember that the holidays seem to be the hardest when we are grieving. I have also found myself extremely sad and tired lately. We can all get through this together! I will keep you in my prayers my far away friend.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[KathyG]

Teny,

If all you do is work and you're exhausting yourself, this isn't good for you. Maybe you're working so much because work gives you a temporary break from thinking about your loss, but work can't replace the love you lost with Yiany. Work is necessary, but it depletes you; love nourishes you.

Be good to yourself. Find activities that soothe your spirit and/or make you feel better about yourself. Though it's hard to be happy when you've lost the light of your life, I think it's possible to at least find some peace.

And for your kids and grandkids: now's the time when you need their love most and they need you. You and they and Yiani are connected forever. Give them your love and they'll return the love to you.

[WaltC]

((((Teny)))),

Yes – your life is worth living! I believe that Yiany, your children and your grandchildren treasure your presence, even though they too miss their Yiany.

Perhaps these words from the book The Heart of Grief by Thomas Attig can help you as they have helped me “get by” for the past 32 months.

“Letting go of having them with us in the flesh is painful and necessary. But it is not the same as completely letting go. We still hold the gifts they gave us, the values and meanings we found in their lives. We can love them as we cherish their memories and treasure their legacies in our practical lives, souls and spirits….

Love that was real does not die when those we love die…..

Our lasting love affirms the enduring meanings of their lives, meanings not cancelled by death. Lasting love consoles us and moderates our suffering as their legacies enrich our lives.

Those who have died…want us to live well after they die. They hope that we will thrive, find purpose and meaning in life, succeed, be happy, know joy and love – and they tell us as much…..They want us to hold dear the good in their lives, and to cherish what they have given. We fulfill those desires lovingly as we treasure their legacies and grant them places in our hearts.”

They want us to hold them in our hearts….We love them when we go on without them by our sides, with lasting love for them in our hearts. …..your lasting love will temper your sorrow in missing them.”

As the words from this song say:

“When I get where I’m going there’ll be only happy tears…don’t cry for me down here”

When I get where I’m going.

My Jeannie and your Yiany are waiting patiently for us – there is no rush – Love is Forever. There are only happy tears where they are now.

[suzanne]

Walt

Thank you. I needed this tonight.

Suzanne

[Art]

Hi Teny,

I have hesitated about replying to any post here because I have been in such a devastated mental condition I fear I will only make people feel worse than they already do. I sincerely promise you and everyone else I don't want to do that. Your post, however, touched me because it seems that we are about the same place in this journey. At first everyone told me it would get better in time. So far it only seems to have gotten worse. I work and I try, but I can't seem to concentrate or focus on my work. I can't wait to get home and then it really sets in. I don't enjoy much of anything and the only people who seem to want to hear what I'm going through are on this forum. So far I have found few if any answers and I only wish I had some for all of us. I don't quite understand why, but it does seem to help me to know that there are others who have experienced this terrible loss and gone on with their lives. For me, it is not that I don't have people whom I love and who also love me. I have two wonderful daughters and they are even more dear to me than they were before, but there is simply a part of me that is gone and what is left is suffering excruciating pain to be left so suddenly and completely alone. To know that others have recovered to the point that they can again enjoy life gives me hope and I pray it does for you. Please try to have faith and courage and I will too. Stay in touch with us here and let us know any time you're having a bad day. Perhaps there will come an answer.

[teny]

THANK you my friends .It was good to be with us again WALT.some months ago your goodby was a disappointment cause it felt like this site was not of any help.CORRINE im taking the pills for about 3 weeks.ART IM having a bad time cause on top of my great loss my mother had a hip fracture.She is almost 90 and she has to stay in bed imobilized.I dont have the courage to look after her and she told my friend that I hate her because she is alive and YIany is gone.Yesterday coming back from my counceling I almost had an accident a girl riding a motobike did not stop at the red trafik light and I almost hit her I was in shok I could not drive the car I called ataxi and went to my sons home and spend the night.My son and daughter in law were arguing and I felt not welcome.Today reading your answers gave me courage.It is good to know that there are people who realy understand.TENY

[kayc]

Teny,

Thank you for sharing that, and I'm glad it was an "almost" and not an accident, you did the right thing in calling a taxi since you were upset. Your son and daughter in law probably would have fought whether you were there or not, we all have them some time or another, and maybe your being there actually kept them on better behavior, who knows. Walt said goodbye several months ago because that's how he was feeling, but he still comes on line and posts from time to time...don't think this site isn't helping cuz it does, we all help each other, and Walt was a tremendous help to us a day or two ago when he posted, his post really touched us.

Art,

It does eventually get better with time, but I'm afraid it gets worse before better because after the shock wears off and everyone else goes back to their lives we are left alone to deal with ours and reality sets in...the longer time that goes by the more we miss them and we have to deal with all the stuff in life only now alone. But eventually we get more accustomed to it and we get better at coping...I'm not saying it's ever great like it once was, but better, it just takes time. For me that didn't happen until some time in my third year, and even Karen said she had a meltdown the other day and look how long it's been for her! We are going to have those days from time to time and it helps to not be surprised by it or think it shouldn't happen, but they come more rarely with time. Hang in there...

KayC