Need Advice

[Kimberley]

I need someone's advice and I was hoping this board could help me.

3 Months ago, my husband and I lost our baby boy, our cat Elric. We've had him all of our married life and he was my guardian angel. I almost died last year, and spent the better part of it in bed, and he took care of me every day. He never left my side. We had to move, and drove across the country with him rather than put him in the hold of a plane. He was our light and our very life. Since he's gone, coming home seems dark and empty. Don't get me wrong, my husband and I have each other, and we're grateful. But, without Elric, we're missing something.

This board has helped me be able to cry, and feel okay to grieve. It has helped me feel not so alone. But, every day I want him back. Everyday I miss him, but no less.

This has hit my husband hard, too. I can't even mention his name without him crying, which, of course, starts me off as well. Well, over the last couple of weeks it has become clear that the only way that Clay (my husband) can get through this is to adopt another kitty to love. I want one, too, but there are two problems. One is our home is FULL of boxes; someone would have to always be watching to make sure the new kitties are safe. (I've considered keeping them in a couple of rooms until we can unpack, so this might just be an excuse) I think the real problem is that I feel disloyal to our precious angel who came before. He was the most special cat in a long line of cats, and, I guess, I want him to know how deeply we grieve for him still. But, it is causing us such pain. We need a new kitty to love (at least one).

Is this wrong? I want my Elric back, but I know that he's not coming back, that he's moved on from this world. We feel his loss so keenly, I don't want to loose that quite yet.

If anyone has any advice, I could sure use it. I'm very mixed up right now and not sure what the right answer is.

Thank you for any help that anyone has.

Kim E.

PS: The picture is of Elric and his daddy.

[KathyG]

Kim, bringing a new kitten into your life wouldn't be disloyal. Elric loved you and your husband as much as you loved him, and cats and dogs are emotionally attuned to their humans. So he would probably be happy to see you both smiling again and playing with a new little furball.

It will help if you don't think of a new pet as a replacement for Elric. Each pet has his or her own special, unique personality. And the love you still carry for Elric in your heart doesn't have to prevent you from opening up to another cat who needs a home and love.

Dogs and cats give us so much, but we don't get to keep them in our lives for very long. You may or may not be hesitating about getting a new cat because your grief over Elric is still strong and you know that in a few years, the new cat will depart and you'll have to feel the pain again. Your post leads me to believe that's not true for you; it is for me, though. I lost my baby girl Jackie a year ago, and often I think about getting a new playmate for my other dog and me. But my husband also died recently, and I'm hurting too much to consider bringing a new dog into my life. Maybe (I hope) that will change after awhile.

Only you and Clay can decide what to do. Good luck to you, whichever way you go.

[WendyJ]

Kim,

By all means get another kitty, as you know it can never replace the one you lost but the happiness another can bring sure helps you get through the pain. I am a firm believer in that sometimes the next one you bring in can have alot of the same characteristics of the first to the point where you wonder if they were reincarnated. LOL The only advice I would give though is to take your time choosing, visit all the shelters and even check online through Petfinder.com you will know when the right one comes along, I firmly believe that Elric will help you make that decision. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved cat.

Love,

Wendy

Owner of 7 Japanese Chins

Lilly.bmp

[MartyT]

Kimberley, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Elric, and I hope you are feeling the loving support that surrounds you on this site.

You might also find this article helpful:

How Long Should You Wait to Replace a Pet Who Has Died?

[Elizabeth A.]

I don't feel I'm in a great position to give advice, especially since all but my very first kitty "found me". But what I have noticed lately is that kittens are very labor intensive. Running through the house, needing you to find their toys, wanting attention right now, needing to be reminded AGAIN not to get on the table, and "oh please Axel, don't climb into the fridge!"

Since you've just moved and claim to have lots of boxes around still left to unpack (and we know how kitties love boxes!) Maybe you should think about getting an adult kitty. Just a single year seems to calm them and mellow them. Making them less of a handful so to speak. My first Kitty (named Kitty) is an ASPCA cat and has been an Angel her entire time with us. We adopted her when she was a year old. She'd lived a little and was all the more welcoming to us for coming into her life.

When the time is right, if you know you're ready or not, your new cat will be there, be it a website, a rescue center, or your neighbor introduces you. You will look into those eyes and know. Don't over analyze it, it's love, pure and simple. You and your spouse have it to give and deserve to receive it as well.

Best Wishes~

[Whiteswan]

My son and I had to put our loving 15 yr old cat Comet to sleep in Nov 07 so I know how you feel. Thankfully we have a 2 yr old female cat named Tigress and a 4 yr old black Lab named Princess who seem to be somewhat of a buffer from losing Comet. They do ease the pain in some ways even though Tigress cries sometimes at night as she misses Comet so much. I don't see anything wrong with you getting a new kitten . It won't replace your other cat but it will help to ease the pain. One word of caution however: Try not to compare the new one to your other one as they each have their own personalities and it wouldn't be fair to the new one to try to have to live up to the other ones image. Yrs ago when my beautiful Bouvier died I found a stray dog who was starving and very sick about 6 wks after my Bouvier died and that darling little stray certainly eased the pain. I nursed him back to health with the vet's help , gave him a loving home until he died and he warmed my heart. I had the feeling when I found him that maybe my Bouvier knew how heartbroken I was over her death so she sent that little stray into my life to ease the blow. Maybe your beloved cat will from his heavenly home direct you to the " purr"fect little kitten to ease your pain too. Keeping you in my prayers.