drew Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) I own a retail store and my mother was like my business partner. We sell antiques and home decor and we also have a boutique that sells jewelry, purses, scarves, etc. My mom and I used to go to Chicago four times a year for the merchandise shows. For the last 5 years we've gone with one of my mom's friends who also has a store. A month and a half before my mom died, we had planned to go to the fall show in Chicago. My mom loved going to the city with us, but at this point, she was so sick and weak. The doctor advised that she didn't go. But she packed some comfortable clothes and some flat shoes instead of her heals. She was bound and determined to go on this trip. Cancer was not going to stop her from doing what she wanted...at least not completely. After three hours of viewing new products, mom got very tired. The hat she was wearing started to make her hot, so she took it off. There she was...amongst all these women who had their hair done so nicely...sitting on a bench with her bald head exposed. I was embarrassed at first. I went over and told her to put her hat on becuase she was making people uncomfortable. "Uncomfortable!" she said. "How do you think I feel with this tumor in my head! Besides, this hat is driving me nuts!" At that moment I realized that I had no right to be embarrassed. I helped my mom back to the hotel room so she could nap. On the way there I noticed that she was becoming more fatigued, so I offered to carry her purse. Normally I would have been so embarrassed to carry a purse around, but this time I proudly slung it over my shoulder and my mom laughed as we walked arm in arm back to the room. As I got ready to go this show, I wondered what it would be like without my mom. Her friend and I took the train up there, and we laughed and cried as we told stories about mom. It was a difficult weekend, but also healing. I still wish my mom had been there with me. She had a soft spot for "baby products." Everytime I saw showrooms that carried baby lines, I thought, "Oh! I have to show mom this!" Then I would remember that she's dead. It's so weird because everyday I still think of things that I need to tell her. Or something will happen at school and I'll think, "mom is gonna crack up when I tell her this!" I suppose that goes away with time. People still stop me and ask how she's doing. Then I have to relive her death all over again. That happened to me twice yesterday. And I still get cards for her, and people still call and leave messages. The dog still waits at the door after I come home and whines. It's just so hard to move on. I can't even put her clean clothes away. They've sat at the foot of my bed in a basket for three and a half weeks. It just seems like she should come in and say, "Hey, put those clothes away!" Edited January 21, 2008 by drew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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