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Steps Back Steps For Future

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Hellow my friends .Thank you rosanne art Lorikelly Deborah.Last post was abuot my bad weekend since you advised me so I just want to let you know that monday was as hard I had to go back to yhe hospital with my mother >Memories of the nightmare came back to torture my mind and soul .I have to go again tomorow sheis going to have a small operation in her eyes.Its not a magor broblem but only being in that hospital gives me alot of pain.I had starting to have some plans for future I have started to exercise 3 times a week and thinking of anew activity together with a friend we were planing to start a wedding planner job.All future plans got out of my mind like Im again point 0 .Nothing matters Im in deep pain starting grief as 15 months ago .I have started group therapy maybe I will get some help.Im giving up my new job plans Im afraid Im not ready yet.Need advise.Thank you TENY

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Teny - I really think you should consider going on with the wedding planner business, as you have planned. I think it would do you a world of good!!! You KNOW how proud your husband would be when you and your friend's business is successful! Sounds like you have made some steps forward and I am so happy for you.

I can understand how hard it must be to be in that hospital again. Your mom needs your strength and it sounds like the operation isn't serious so I bet she will be fine in no time.

Try to keep moving forward Teny! Don't let this hospital "thing" keep you from achieving something you (and your husband) can be proud of. I say " Go Get Them, Teny!"

Hugs to you and everyone here.


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Teny, dear ~ I know you've taken my online e-mail course, The First Year of Grief: Help for the Journey, but it's been a while. Do you remember reading Lesson 22: Setbacks, Aftershocks and the Recurrence of Grief?

Here is a portion of that lesson:

“As I drove along a lonely stretch of road the other day, I heard our favorite song on the radio and it kept me crying for miles. I thought I was finished with all this crying.”

Aftershocks happen when some of the “down” feelings you’ve already experienced in grief come at you again several months after the death, or even after a year or more. Sometimes something acts as a trigger and catches you by surprise: a song, a place, a movie or a season, and it’s as if you’re confronted with the death for the first time, all over again. Painful emotions crash in upon you, and it feels as if you’re starting the entire grief process anew.

Aftershocks of grief are normal, and they will pass more quickly each time you experience them. They can be controlled somewhat by controlling the reminders of your loss, either by intentionally disposing of them or deliberately seeking them out . . .

[Given certain reminders,] you may find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of your loved one’s diagnosis, treatment and care, remembering your experience of facing a terminal illness together . . .

Rest assured that what you’re feeling is normal and to be expected. You are not losing ground; the progress you’ve made is real . . . At this point, it's only natural to look back and reflect on what used to be before you can let go of it, move on through your grief, and embrace whatever your life is going to be in the future . . .

As you’ve already discovered, you’re never really finished with loss when someone significant leaves you. This loss will resurface during key developmental periods for the rest of your life.

You will have to face it again and again, not as the person you are today, but as the person you will have grown to be in two or five or twenty years from now. Each time you will face it on new terms, but it won’t take as long and it won’t be as difficult.

The fact that you've started exercising three days a week, you're attending a support group, and you're thinking of starting a new business with a friend are all indicators of positive, forward movement, and I am very, very proud of you. You just hit a very big bump in the road ~ but that does not erase the progress you've already made in your journey! Sit down, rest a while, take the time you need to get your bearings, then get up, dust yourself off, take a deep breath, and you'll be ready to keep on going.

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