Elizabeth A. Posted March 21, 2008 Report Share Posted March 21, 2008 Though I deal with Anticipatory Grief everyday, especially or oddly perhaps where it concerns my own health, I have choosen this post to be about what I went through about a month ago when every waking moment of my day was consumed by Anticipatory Grief. I lived everyday in fear. In my case it was the threat of Feline Leukemia. You have to wait a period of time after exposure before you can test for it, and those were horrid weeks. During that time I wrote the following letter to my beloved Sunny. His tests came back negative and I am relish everday I have him in my life. My Dear Sweet Sunny,I call you many things, my handsome man cat, lover boy, when you were little “pumpkin”, sometimes dumb-dumb head, and in the deepest depths of my heart, I call you my Son. You are the light in my life and you have given me gifts that I would have never asked for, and certainly would have said I did not deserve.When you were little and sick I gave you everything I had to give. I gave you the best doctors and the best care money could buy. I didn’t think twice about it, no matter what others said, it didn’t matter the cost, having you healthy was all that mattered. I gave you so much I even gave you part of my soul. I gave it freely and willingly; I didn’t hesitate for a moment. You, my shining ray of Sunlight, took all these things into yourself and found not only the will to live, but also a love for life, a self love, a love of family, unlike I have ever found in any living being.All that you have and all that you are makes the world, but most especially me, blessed to know you. Blessed to share in your constant love and joy in life. Your zest makes me strong, and your bravery fills me with pride.I know now that if I loose you, I will lose a piece of myself, a part of me that I hold very dear. I gave you my heart and soul freely and willingly and it did not hurt when I gave it, as I gave you pure love. I know now, it will rip away a piece of myself if I should ever lose you. I know this day is coming, but I pray that we will have many happy days together in the sunshine before I will have to say goodbye.Sometimes I wonder how did this happen? How did I come to love my baby so much? It’s all the things you do, you know. It’s the jingle of your collar, it’s the way you run outside and scare me into thinking you will run off into the horizon and I will never see you again. It’s the way you think a dirty sock is scary, it’s the way you dig at your water bowl, because you can’t focus on the surface of the water. I love the way you try to play with your little sister and knock her off the table, because you’re such a big hulk. I love the way you know just when I need you, the way your rough tongue feels when you lick me to much, the way you shove things on the floor that are in your way, almost as though they don’t exist. I do need you my precious boy. I always need you. Please be healthy that I might be allowed to love you for just a little while more.Much Love Always~No real need to comment, it's nice to know that someone will read it other than in my whispered tears to my cat. The feelings were very real, cat or not I was terrified of losing Sunny. He lights my life inside and out and I wouldn't trade a thousand purebreed super smart cats for my one sometimes dense boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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