karenb Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Hi Guys, Well, we got through Easter, right? I've been sitting here tonight, a little bit feeling sorry and lonely, and I felt a need to talk a little. Those of you who know me know that at 68 my life and my children's lives have not been easy at all. A 25-year-long abusive marriage finally ended, a long time being single, a wonderful friendship and he died in a truck wreck, and then the absolute wonder in my life, my Jack, who died about 2 1/2 years ago. I've been struggling through all the things we do and I think I'm coming out so much stronger, but there are these times, right? I have a strong desire to help others and I do in my volunteer work, etc., but there certainly is something big in my life that's missing...of course, it's a love to take care of. Im so used to taking care of someone...always doing that. I'm pretty much at a loss, even though I'm very busy at my exercise group, food bank volunteer group, church group, etc. I guess I need someone to care for. Sound strange? Thanks, my friends.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Karen I decided you can come out here and take care of me anytime ! Yes we got thru Easter, and you know my family didn't celebrate Easter last year as it was only about a couple weeks after Steve passed. This year I posted that we would not be getting together again as my Mom was not up to it because of her Chemo. I thought I would have no problem at all, you know it is not like it was Christmas or Steve's birthday or anything , right? Wrong ! I moped around all day and felt sorry for myself and never even got out of my pjs ! You know all I kept saying recently is if I could just get to the 1 year mark things would get easier, boy was I lying to myself ! So what do you mean by caring for someone? Do you mean in your home?Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted March 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 You know, Wendy, I really don't know. It's just that is all I have ever done and now there's no one I can do that for on an every day basis. That's one of my many things to solve still. It's so silly that I just go through every day things as usual and I don't know why. There has never been a day I've gone through staying in mu pj's all day unless I was really ill. I am a creature of habit. The only thing I know, my friend Wendy, is we are only doing what we can do. I'm sorry, my friend, this is not a good day for me.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Karen,It isn't wierd, I have gone through that at times even though I have an 8 year old to take care of it just isn't the same as takig care of someone you love. I had family around for Easter so it wasn't really that difficult. But still it is a holiday that my Karen would have been in the kitchen with my sisters helping to cook. That will never be the same again.Wendy,I wish I could say that at a year everything magically got better. It took time, now that I am just a week or so away from 2 years (April 6th) I can look back and say this year has been better. Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoubleJo Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Karen: I am sorry for the struggles you have had. My last husband was also a short but sweet interlude in my life that I wish had been the only one. I know what you are saying. It isn't just the giving to someone. Its' the giving to someone who absorbs what you have and sends it back into you so you feel completed. Helping another, however and whoever is still on the surface.Having a special someone who is part of YOUR life and yours THEIRS, is different from "borrowing" people and then giving them back to their own worlds. It is interesting you use the term "something to solve." I also view this as some sort of problem that can be solved. I too feel frustrated. I believe this is called sharing- as in sharing your life together. There seems to be alot of people who live with each other but never got to the stage of this deep "sharing." Us lucky ones experienced it and it is truly a special, wonderful thing. It involves complete trust, and appears it needs two people with the capacity to feel deeply. Its' that capacity that has us feeling so empty now. My days run on, not in any bad way, but also without that particular sense of purpose because other people I invest time in can just change their minds, situations, and disappear. And they do. That stable relationship that creates a foundation to stand on was pulled away from under my feet. Something I have been used to and need is gone. I hate that word gone. It is way too final. People really do need people in a deep meaningful way. How to change ones' mindset over something so primally needed is not an easy task. We also don't have a blueprint for this stage in life. We see marriage, divorce, working, careers displayed, but coping and feeling our way through this next stage of life is not discussed or shown, with the rare exception of a TV show- Golden Girls." We are walking a little blindly. Take care Karen- this is a confusing time. DoubeJo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted March 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Our dear DoubleJo.... Here, here, and touchee. Your words echo my feelings. Thank you so much.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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