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Posted

Well I am back at work today, its day two - but physically I am not here.

There was a nice basket of flowers at the office - never had flowers before so that is a first.

My mind is not here, and I am not sure how to get it back. All I can think of it my dad and his death. I should be thinking that dad lived a great life and how loving he was. I try and think of all the good times we had together and that makes me feel even worse.

I have so much work to do but I am physically tired and feel drained. I am not sleeping at night again. My doctor gave me some sleeping pills and they were great for the first three weeks, but its back to not being able to fall asleep and when I do fall asleep I am up every hour. I try and think good things before going to bed, but I always wake up and think of dad and his final days.

Not sure how to get back to being able to function. I cry every now and then at work and have to go to the bathroom, been doing that alot. I hope I dont get into trouble at work for grieving. I have never had anything bad in my evaluations and want to keep it that way.

No one understands how I am feeling at work, thats the hard part. No one asks if you are ok, or how are you. They just assume the funeral is over and life goes on, and yeah it does, but right now for me, my life is at a standstill.

I try to be in control when my husband is around. He has so many health issues, diabetes, heart condition, so I have to stay strong for him. When I feel a bad time coming on, I walk away. I try not to let people see me cry.

I try not to look like a basketcase, even though I am one right now.

I see my doctor tomorrow - going to get me some more sleeping pills - another month and then I hope I can try let things go and try function. That is my goal - I have to not let things bother me so much. But its so hard -I never went to a funeral, my dad was the first one of someone I really loved and cared about. Maybe this is why its so hard to deal with - not sure.

any advice on what to do to get back to normal at work.

Today is not going to be a productive day -

not sure about tomorrow either

Posted

Well I am back at work today, its day two - but physically I am not here.

There was a nice basket of flowers at the office - never had flowers before so that is a first.

My mind is not here, and I am not sure how to get it back. All I can think of it my dad and his death. I should be thinking that dad lived a great life and how loving he was. I try and think of all the good times we had together and that makes me feel even worse.

Hi Midnight - I can identify with what you've said about you being at work, but your mind not being there. I've been feeling exactly the same. From my own experience I can tell you that thinking about your dad and his death is not unusual. I'm the same. At work someone can be talking to me about something and I'll be thinking about my dad and the painful last week at the hospital.

I have so much work to do but I am physically tired and feel drained. I am not sleeping at night again. My doctor gave me some sleeping pills and they were great for the first three weeks, but its back to not being able to fall asleep and when I do fall asleep I am up every hour. I try and think good things before going to bed, but I always wake up and think of dad and his final days.

Feeling physically tired and drained is an all too familiar feeling. When your mind is being overrun with so many different emotions you will find yourself feeling exhausted. I try to do things that help me to relax a bit in the evening e.g. I take a hot bath adding bath oils to the water which seems to help me to sleep. I can identify with what you've said about thinking of dad and his final days. I know it is hard, but try to remember the happy times. I'm having difficulties doing this myself, the events of the last week at the hospital with my dad have been dominating my mind. I've been told that these memories will fade and eventually I'll remember the happier times with my dad. Hang in there.

Not sure how to get back to being able to function. I cry every now and then at work and have to go to the bathroom, been doing that alot. I hope I dont get into trouble at work for grieving. I have never had anything bad in my evaluations and want to keep it that way.

No one understands how I am feeling at work, thats the hard part. No one asks if you are ok, or how are you. They just assume the funeral is over and life goes on, and yeah it does, but right now for me, my life is at a standstill.

If you feel like you want to cry, don't feel guilty about going to the bathroom to do so. I had a cry myself in the bathroom at work last Monday and I felt better for it, as I'd spent the preceding hours trying to fight my emotions. It's better to let it out. Please don't think you'll get into trouble for grieving - do what you need to do and in your own time. I thought that no one understood how I was feeling at work too, as my colleagues seemed to be ignoring me and my efforts to engage in conversation. However, I think some of your colleagues do know you're going through a really difficult time right now. Today one colleague approached me and said that he didn't ask me if I was ok, because he felt it would be a stupid question under the circumstances. He said that he knew I wasn't ok, how could I be. Some people are reluctant to speak to you at this time, as they are worried about upsetting you further.

At the moment you are trying to survive you haven't got back to living yet. I'm the same. It's going to take time.

I try to be in control when my husband is around. He has so many health issues, diabetes, heart condition, so I have to stay strong for him. When I feel a bad time coming on, I walk away. I try not to let people see me cry.

I try not to look like a basketcase, even though I am one right now.

Please don't isolate yourself. It does help to talk things through with other people. Sometimes it's best to talk to people who are not directly involved. I spoke to the chaplain at work today which helped me somewhat.

I see my doctor tomorrow - going to get me some more sleeping pills - another month and then I hope I can try let things go and try function. That is my goal - I have to not let things bother me so much. But its so hard -I never went to a funeral, my dad was the first one of someone I really loved and cared about. Maybe this is why its so hard to deal with - not sure.

Don't put a time limit on your feelings. This will only put you under pressure. Emotions don't work to a schedule. If after a month you are not where you want to be then you'll feel disappointed and frustrated with yourself - so please don't schedule your emotions. Just take it one day at a time. Like you, the loss of my dad is the first bereavement I've experienced involving someone really close. In my opinion this is why is it so hard to deal with.

any advice on what to do to get back to normal at work.

Today is not going to be a productive day -

not sure about tomorrow either

Don't be hard on yourself. They may not say it, but colleagues won't expect you to work full pelt as though nothing has happened. Try to do what you can and don't put pressure on yourself to "get back to normal". I'm not functioning as normal myself - but that's because my life has changed, as has yours. After what's happened you have to give yourself time and not try to rush your grieving.

Posted

Thanks for the posts. They have helped greatly.

Mariah your post was appreciated very much.

That is the problem or it was, was that I was feeling so alone, that no one understood.

This website is the only thing that is keeping me a little bit sane.

It is so ironic almost that strangers ( I use this lightly) are helping me understand my feelings and help me cope.

The only person in my life that really understands and cares is my doctor.

So thanks to all the people and this website for helping me.

I swear if not for this website, I really dont know what or where I would be.

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