Needing Support

[Lnette]

Today my beloved 10 year old cat had to be euthanized after a very sudden illness. The euthanization did not go as well as planned and as a result my sweet kitty ended up biting me. I'm feeling terrible for our family's loss but more guilty about her passing not being more peaceful. Please pray fo my sweet girl- my little shadow. I'm so happy we had such a wonderful last evening together, sleeping together with your little paw resting on me all night.

[leeann]

((((Lnette)))) I'm so sorry about your kitty. Of course I'll be thinking of you both. Passings can be so hard sometimes ... even the planned ones.

The guilt feelings are kinda normal but keep in mind that what happened.. was probably not something you can claim direct responsibility for. And I'm sure the long evening before of a beautiful good bye was more important to your kitty than those last few seconds. And the evening was something you can always go back to as a warm memory.

When I have lost pets, I tried to keep focused on the fact that my pet was now out of pain and no longer suffering. I tried to keep my focus on that. The last few days and the memories of suffering faded after a bit and now.. I too have warm memories and rarely recall the more negative aspects of their illnesses and passings.

And that is my hope for you too.

leeann

[Elizabeth A.]

Lnette, that must have been heart wrenching for you. I'm certain your dear sweet one didn't mean cause you pain. My darling Tiny will let me do just about anything to her, me being the "mom" since very shortly after her birth seems to give me an extra inch. But her "dad" oh no, if he talks about "bath time" she glares at him, and if he takes her to the tub she's mad at least an hour, and if he WASHES her she's mad at least a day, one it was days before it was better. But it was better, she loves us, just as your little one loved and still loves you.

It's sand in the wound of your pain no doubt, but does a teen who lashes out mean it? Perhaps at the time, but not forever. I suffer chronic pain and it can make me a real witch sometimes. Do I mean it? Not really, most of the time the pain has me so completely wrapped up in a cacoon, that my brain hears what I'm saying and wants to seal my lips, but it comes out anyway, it grips me so tightly some days I can't seem seem to say "I take it back, I didn't mean it," until the pain recides.

You said your kitty had a illness that came on suddenly, do you want to talk about it? When emotions are high like that it's hard for an ill animal who has only known love from you to feel your fear, it by no means makes it your fault. I'm serious now, you were the best darn cat mom you could be, and that's where the real love exists.

[goddessinsecta]

Hi Lnette---

Honey, I am so sorry your baby's passing was traumatic for both of you. Please know that each of us, human and beloved pet, has our own separate journey, our own death--but a shared heaven. Everything will be revealed and understood. You will have answers and you will have great joy, and never be separated again.

It hurts so bad--I know--we all know here. You had no control over those last couple of minutes, you know. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes these things just happen. She bit you because she was scared and didn't feel good, and you were closest!--- not because she didn't worship and adore you! We are our pet's mommies and daddies, and it kills us for our babies to suffer, even a little. You are doing beautifully already by acknowledging what a wonderful last night you had together. Go even further when you are able, and remember all the good times. It'll make you cry, too, but you will feel at least a little better. Realize that those couple hard moments in a ten-year life--minutes during which you could not control the events---are, ultimately, very negligible in perspective. By your words, you were, and always will be, besotted with love over that little cat of yours. You were chosen for her, and she for you, to live together and love each other. And you did a fine job. And you can look forward to more good times with her in the next world---and when the time is right, perhaps open your heart to another in this world that is longing for love.

I am thinking of you.

Margaret

[Lnette]

Margaret: Thank you so much. "....Realize that those couple hard moments in a ten-year life--minutes during which you could not control the events---are, ultimately, very negligible in perspective."

-I wanted you to know that those words helped me beyond belief and are carrying me through day to day. Bless you for being there for me during this painful time. Thanks to all of you. I've attached a picture of my sweet girl Josie.

[attachmentid=296]

Edited June 7, 2008 by Lnette

[leeann]

Oh lnette.. what a beautiful cat! She was just gorgeous.

And keep hanging on to what Margaret said.. because it is absolutely true.

You gave her a so much love over the years... and I bet she returned it too.

leeann

[Lnette]

Thank you Leeann. I absolutely dread coming home. Does everyone else go through that? I did ok through most of the day at work but the moment I get home I lose it. I keep thinking I see her. I received a wonderful card from the vet today. She stated how she wished it could have gone better.

You're right- she showed me so much love- it's difficult to describe that kind of unconditional loving bond.

Thank you again for your kind words.

[leeann]

(((((Lnette)))) Yup coming home afterwards and for awhile is tough. I know exactly what you mean. I would feel like the day went pretty well and then walk in the door and it hits again...right in the pit of your stomach. And yeah the tears would flow and .. well.. they should, right? But only for awhile in the beginning did I experience this. Like I said in other posts on this forum.. I trie dto keep focusing on my dog as once again healthy & happy; running around again and playing. No longer trapped in a body that didn't work. And slowly, over time...yes I thought of it the instant I came through the door.. but the tears would no longer instantly come..

A wistful feeling might be there and then I would immediately try to visualize her whole and healthy once again and think that she was definitely better now.

All throughout our pets lives I had to keep in mind what was best for them... and as we all know, that wasn't necessarily what I always wanted or needed. Would I laugh when they got up for food ont he table and not reprimand them? No, of course not, they'd steal food and be overweight if I allowed that. Would I let them run around the neighborhood at will, No. Even though that is what they may have preferred I knew they could be hit by a car or other bad things could happen if I allowed that.

In other words.. I had to set limits even though sometimes... it would have been easier to just allow them to do what they wanted. (I mean I'm sure we all would rather just ignore some behavior because it is just easier at times. We're tired or had a long day.. who wants to chase after a creative escape artist? But.. I did it.. because it was my responsibility to keep them safe.

I had to BE the human. I was the human and their caretaker. I considered being their human a serious responsiblity.

What I have learned is I had to extend that thinking as well to when it was time to put them to sleep and after as well. I still had to think.. I did the responsible thing and the best thing for them. Was it the best for me?? Heck no. It hurts awful to lose a loving & special companion. But.. it was the best thing for them. The last loving and caretaking task I would ever do for them.

Pet owning, in my opinion can't be ONLY about the human. It also has to be about the pet and meeting that pet needs as an animal living in the world of a human. I did what I had to for that pet in the end, knowing full well.. it was gonna hurt me badly. But I did it for them. Not for me. If it was up to me... they'd all live with us forever. LOL But.. I have learned also... clearly.. it isn't up to me.

That thinking.. I think.. helped me avoid many of the guilty feelings afterwards and helped me realize.. the end itself was just a small part of that relationship we shared. They were counting on me to live up to my responsibilities.. right to the end... and I didn't fail them.

But our relationship was so much more than just the end and I was really very blessed to have that beautiful creature in my life and I know they appreciated me and our family & were blessed to have us too.

leeann

[MartyT]

Beautifully stated, Leeann ~ wise words for all of us animal lovers. Thank you so much for that.

[Lnette]

The days are getting easier but it's true I'm forever changed. I'm listening to one of Marty's radio segments now and I have to say that these little spirits must have chosen her to help us through these times. I am glad I was with Josie no matter how it went. I'm glad she didn't suffer very long. I'm especially grateful for finding this site and will refer it to many others. Now-I must get on with my life yes? I have to go hug the other members of my family and keep coping together the best that we can.

[leeann]

Lnette I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better.

but it's true I'm forever changed.

Yes.. I think that is true. But I also think I was forever changed by my pets' lives, not only their deaths. I learned quite a bit from these wonderful animals.

Now-I must get on with my life yes?

Exactly how much and when are all up to you & for you to do in your own time & way.

But yeah, I agree, hugging family is always good, isn't it?

Hope you all have a good weekend.

leeann