Old Familiar Places.....

[leeann]

I recently revisited a place my folks loved more than any other place on earth. It was the first time I had been there since they passed.

It was a bittersweet challenge.

And.. I just sobbed on their beach at dusk.. yup right out loud... in front of the kids.. Hub wrapped me up in his arms and son circled closely nearby in silence. Daughter said she was sorry the beach made me sad. And I had to immediately correct her and let her know.. I'm not really sad... I just miss them and these tears will help me heal. I did let her know that it is never a good idea to judge grief tears negatively... as they really are a positive

thing that represent healing. (I think she understood this. But when the opportunity arises to speak to her about it again.. I'll make sure.)

She responded by saying "I think they are here with us."

And.. I think she was right.

I think I will be fine if I am so blessed to go there again. I feel like it is somehow "out of my system" so to speak and that the pleasure they gained from that place will end up being a generational experience.

Any of you had this or a similiar experience? How did it go for you?

leeann

[MartyT]

Leeann, dear, thank you for sharing this story. As I'm sure you know, by feeling and freely expressing your feelings of grief in the presence of your children and explaining to them what was going on with you, you've given them a very valuable lesson about life and love and loss.

See also this thread:

Old Favorite Spots

[leeann]

Thanks Marty and thanks to Bob for the affirmations by proxy.

It was all of the memories really... I remember being on that beach with them for the first time as a kid. Sharing it with my husband when we were newly married and then eventually sharing it with our kids with my folks watching them see it for the 1st time. All of this was a blessing really. And it is a place that connects us and I think it always will.

It is a beautiful place and I knew that the kids love it and hub and I do too. I didn't want it to become a "sad" place. So, at my first opportunity I figured it was just best to go there... like we always would have.

Just jumping in there and, as Bob puts it, "leaning into the pain" was the best thing I could have done I guess. There wasn't a whole large crowd there at the time and the wind was blowing pretty briskly.. but really.. I kinda didn't care if others saw or heard. The people most important to me understood.

I think sometimes we as a society, get too worried about tears flowing when in reality that is the best thing for us. And because I shed them freely there, I now feel like it is a place I would never hesistate to go to again.

leeann

[DoubleJo]

You're a wise mom- You gave a very good lesson to your children and you completed a beautiful circle.

DoubleJo

[leeann]

Thanks

I dunno about wise though...

But I am sure it was initially kind of confusing for our daughter.

(Son is older and completely understood the whole episode.)

But poor daughter...

There I am tears and snot running and I'm bawling and saying

"I'm not sad." LOL

Bet it will be awhile before she forgets that moment. lol

I ended up calling them "Remembering Tears" with her... which I guess was actually most accurately descriptive.

That beach is always where I picture my parents to be now.. or some place similiar.

It was a moment for me.. that's for sure. And I think kind of a milestone in a way. I feel like I have somehow progressed a decent distance down the grief journey path. Don't know if that is real or not, but that's how I feel right now.

leeann