shauna marie Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 Ugh. I think my title says it all. I'm sick--again. I had a yeast infection two weeks ago, Swimmer's Ear last week, was diagnosed with a bladder infection yesterday, and today I realize that I have a tooth infection. The worst part is I can't sleep and when I do, I dream constantly about my parents. That upsets me and well, kind of depresses me. I end up with no energy, my apartment looks like a hurricane hit it, I'm finding it hard to read, watch tv, even be on the computer. Also the medications for my bipolar quit working when I'm sick and so any dreams about my father almost immediately sends me back into a frenzy where I go around and apologize for every single thing I do, thinking I upset someone, said something wrong, or angered them. Then I feel worthless and want to leave the earth. (Don't worry--ONLY thoughts, not actions.)It doesn't help that it's summer and it's a hard time for me anyway. There are flashbacks to three years ago when my mom was sick. That's hard to think about. It doesn't help that people are going away on vacation--I'm not. Families are getting together, having BBQ's, going to the beach. A girl that I used to work with at the pharmacy got married on Saturday. No, I didn't go to the wedding. I can't do weddings. All I can ever think about is the day of my father's funeral and how it struck me that I was walking him down the aisle and it wasn't the other way around. In two single moments, the idea of such a special day was robbed from me. I doubt I could get married without both parents. And, oh, yeah, a boyfriend might help first. At the same time of all of this, I'm thankful for several things. I'm thankful that they are just infections. The doctor had seen some sugar in my urine and I guess it was just a mess, so she thought it might have been diabetes. I was thinking it could have been thyroid problems. So to only be a bladder infection is good news. It's also good that I'm able to see that I have disordered thinking when it comes to my father. I know that when I feel I'm under his spell things are a lot worse than they really are.Just hate when it all seems to crash. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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