I Miss My Mom

[DebFromLodi]

Some mornings are just harder than others. This date doesn't mean anything to me. But her birthday is coming up next month,perhaps that is why...i don't know. I just need to see her, touch her and tell her I love her. It has been almost 8 months and it is not any better or easier.

Thanks for listening, i just feel so lonely this morning.

[DawnG]

I miss my mom too, I've been crying at my desk all morning. She died June 18 2007 and I miss her every day. [attachmentid=324]

[AnnieO]

Deb

I remember 8 months was a very hard time for me. My mom died Dec.06 and I still miss her everyday and like you said, some days are harder than others. I hope you have a more peaceful day tomorrow.

[leeann]

Deb,Dawn & Annie,

I don't know.. but maybe it was the air this week.. but I too was having a tough time missing my Mom which then lead into missing my Dad too. Don't have a decent reason... just that was what I was feeling. So I shed more tears again this week. But?? Just part of it all I guess.

I talked to my sis tonight and that helped me somewhat. We actually didn't talk too much about my folks at all. Just felt good to connect and talk about what is going on now and new stuff coming up.

I find it usually helps me when I talk with her, but I don't necessarily have to talk about my sadness or missing them. Just touching that connection alone seems to help.

Hope we all can make a decent weekend out of it for ourselves.

(((((Hugs)))) to all.

leeann

[allalone]

I think somewhere between 6 - 9 months the shock begins to wear off and we start feeling things again. We miss our loved ones beyond what words can express.

I find I get really upset when I talk to my aunts and uncles. I think this is because you remember your parents with them and you almost expect to see your parent(s) and then also there are discussions about them too.

Other things that maybe part of the missing is that we are heading into another season. The seasons here and the leaves have already turned and are now falling. Things are starting to die here and it's only this week that I've been able to go out in the yard and start to put it to bed. It reminds me of the flowers I shared with my mom and also put on my parent's gravesite. Honestly, if I thought of it in terms of how other people die, I just can't. I think I'd break down. I still at times have to think that my mom is just away and I can't call her. I know intellectually she has passed on, but still on an emotional level I need to shield my heart. I can only take it little bit by little bit. If I don't, then I just wouldn't be able to cope. There are thigns that I am not coping with well, but I just cannot go into a vegetative state because my mom wouldn't want that.

I have a feeling also that with all the bad news in terms of the economy and natural disasters, this is a time where we look for re-assurance and our moms who are the best at reassuring us when times get hard aren't here. I ma lucky that I live in a rich province and we are not feeling it so badly as other places. But I still feel a little insecure about the future. So much about recessions/depressions - so much about we as people destroying the world. Then all the horrible things you hear on the news. In the last six weeks I've stopped watching tv and actually my moods are better because I'm not exposing myself to the murders and other deaths that I hear about. Of course it acts as a trigger in thinking about my mom.

Last weekend was hard. My uncle overseas is about to pass. I'm not sure if he has passed or not. I was quite upset. I didn't know him well, but I still feel upset. I visited an aunt and uncle here and it's hard to see them because each time I see them they are declining in health. I know in the next 10 years there will be several deaths. The strange thing is that both my parents have passed, but all my aunts and uncles here are still alive.

Every death reminds me that I'm alone now. I have my daughter, but it is different in that I have no parents and because my parents immigrated here there is very little family here. My siblings and I have busy lives and are also very different people...

[leeann]

allalone

I find I get really upset when I talk to my aunts and uncles. I think this is because you remember your parents with them and you almost expect to see your parent(s) and then also there are discussions about them too.

Oh boy is this hard for me. So hard I haven't called them in months. I have sent cards and notes but I can't talk to them right now. Is this awful or what? It is so hard to hear how much they miss her, which they always said when I was calling them. I had everything I could do not to cry on the phone with them. Their quavering voices were enough to have me swallowing my sobs. I would get off the phone and then go cry a bit by myself. They are extremely elderly; both were quite a few years older than my parents.

I guess I just have to suck it up and do it. There are two brothers left and they don't live very close together and they virtually do not have any peers left. The one couple has lost their only daughter as well. But they do have a grandaughter who sees them daily. The other one has both kids and grandaughters and their families living really close by. Both have been married over 70 years to their wives and believe it or not.. both of their wives are living. Not in great shape.. but still hanging in there. I guess their lives are full... but it must be hard to live so long and have had to say goodbye to so many of their loved ones.

I'm racked with guilt when I think about them.

Maybe you are right, the change of season effects us. My kids both graduate this year from their respective schools ... etc Big year for us and my parents won't be here to celebrate it with us, physically anyway.

Right now I'm glad though that they aren't around for all of the world's troubles and storms. They both had soft hearts..

I have a sibling, but far away. However, I know what you mean by being alone. I don't need a death to feel that.. I kinda feel it all of the time. I figure I'll adjust to it eventually. Life has changed.. big time. So I'm trying to be patient with myself while I adjust. But this is kinda huge.

leeann

[AnnieO]

I felt like I could have written the last few posts here.

Last night I was watchiing t.v and just had this quick thought, "oh, I should call my mom before she goes to bed"...she has been gone almost 2 years. Even after 2 years, when I have those moments it still brings me to my knees.

I am going to a family wedding next week and am so full of anxiety about it. My entire family will be there and while it will be so fun and wonderful in so many ways, I know all of us will be thinking about my parents and how much they would have loved to be there. I have times where I am not sure I can go.

The day I get there is the 1 yr anniversary of my dad's death.

There are so many fun things going on with my kids right now, that my parents would have loved and would not have missed for the world.

My parents were very involved in politics and with everything that is happening in the country now, I can just imagine the conversations we would have had. My aunt told me when the tv political host Tim Russert died, my parents probably met him at the gate and said "let's talk!"

I wish I had some encouraging words for all of us, just know you are not alone and I understand your pain and sadness.

[Jill B]

I'm sorry you're having a tough morning.

Yesterday was the 4 month anniversary of my Mom's death, and I expected it to be a particularly hard day, but it wasn't...

Instead, the grief has a life of its known, with no sense of rationality. Yesterday was as hard as any other day, but sometimes, I almost start sobbing in a McDonald's, because my Mom used to talk me into going with her sit in a booth and have lunch. I miss her a lot, too.

Hope that something comes along to cheer you up today.

I hope it helps to know that, even though this forum is through the internet, that everyone on here extends sincere support, because we all know its tough, and just this little bit of support can go a long way.

Chin up.

-Jill.

Some mornings are just harder than others. This date doesn't mean anything to me. But her birthday is coming up next month,perhaps that is why...i don't know. I just need to see her, touch her and tell her I love her. It has been almost 8 months and it is not any better or easier.

Thanks for listening, i just feel so lonely this morning.

Yeah- I wait tables at a local tavern, and I was feeling especially chipper one night a couple of weeks ago...I decided that, hell, I'm gonna swing by Mom's house with some dinner for her...and then I realized I couldn't. Man...that'll really get you.

I felt like I could have written the last few posts here.

Last night I was watchiing t.v and just had this quick thought, "oh, I should call my mom before she goes to bed"...she has been gone almost 2 years. Even after 2 years, when I have those moments it still brings me to my knees.

I am going to a family wedding next week and am so full of anxiety about it. My entire family will be there and while it will be so fun and wonderful in so many ways, I know all of us will be thinking about my parents and how much they would have loved to be there. I have times where I am not sure I can go.

The day I get there is the 1 yr anniversary of my dad's death.

There are so many fun things going on with my kids right now, that my parents would have loved and would not have missed for the world.

My parents were very involved in politics and with everything that is happening in the country now, I can just imagine the conversations we would have had. My aunt told me when the tv political host Tim Russert died, my parents probably met him at the gate and said "let's talk!"

I wish I had some encouraging words for all of us, just know you are not alone and I understand your pain and sadness.

[leeann]

Oh Jill.. what a coincidence.. I too have a wedding to go to in a few weeks and I'm feeling exactly the same way. If I could skip it.. at this point I would. But I can't. Another person is depending on us to get her there and well.. we just have to go.

It will be difficult for all of us. The bride's mom also passed away .... way too young..... in between the death's of my parents. I'd like to crawl up into a ball under the bed and stay there. LOL

But I can't. So I'll go and hope for the best. I plan on focusing just on the bride and groom and steer clear of anything else crossing my mind that day. I know I won't be entirely sucessful with that ... but I will try and not dwell on sad stuff.

But if I had a choice.... man.. I'd stay home. What will make it a teensy bit easier is I know I won't be the only one struggling that day.

leeann