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Sweetest Day

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It's been a hard day today. Today was Sweetest day and instead of planning something fun to do to surprise Tom, I had to take flowers to his grave. It shouldn't be this way. We should be growing old together.

I don't think his tombstone is going to make it for his birthday either. I guess that's all right because it's going to be there for a long time.

It's not that I don't want him to be happy but I'm selfish and want us to be happy together. I want this huge hole in my heart and my guts being ripped out to go away.

I'm starting the not sleeping cycle again too.

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All special days seem to hit me pretty hard too. The first Valentine's Day without Lou was very hard. Of course it was also only 2 weeks after his death. But that was a day that I always tried to show Lou in extra special ways how much I loved him. People at his work always knew they would be asked to help out on that day by bringing him gifts, cards, notes, etc throughout the day. I had so much fun with it and he got such a "kick" out of it too.

Thanksgiving was another day that my Lou absolutely loved. I would have all the people closest to him over and planned very elaborate feasts. He loved familiy, friends and food and I think it was probably his favorite day because all of that combined with great football games left him quite content.

I miss Lou so much and those special days bring the loss of his companionship so close.

Is Sweetest Day like Valentine's Day? I have never heard of it.


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In a way, it is like Valentine's day. It is the third Sat. of October and you just doing something special for your "sweetest" one. Someone said that it is just a Midwestern "holiday", but I always surprised him. A couple of years ago we had planned to have our picture taken out by the lake with the turning leaves. I had already packed a suitcase and had it in the back. After we had our pictures taken I turned the opposite way and he said what are you doing? I told him to sit back and enjoy the ride. I had made a puzzle out of the name of the place we were going and gave him a piece every so often for him to try to figure out. We rode bikes when we got there and took walks and looked at the lake. It was such a beautiful weekend and now I can't have that anymore and even though the memory is beautiful it makes me sad because I can't have it again.

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Wow, you had some great ideas. What a fantastic day to remember. I know it is a bittersweet memory for now. I pray that will change for you as you continue this healing journey.

Some days I cry over the things that yesterday made me laugh. When I put flowers on Bob's grave last year for our anniversary, I thought about how lame my gifts always seemed compared to his. I handled all the day to day stuff, he was the special events coordinator. Holidays and special days were always better because of his surprises.

It sounds like you brought so much joy and surprise into Tom's life. I bet he was really grateful for that.


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