Tears

[allalone]

Hello all,

I know it's been a while since I've visited. I guess I am getting better in several respects. I still think of my mom everyday, but most of the tears are gone...except for this week. Out of no where I'll be thinking of my mom and I get so caught up in my thoughts that before I know it tears have been streaming down my face. Unfortunately this has been happening in public places - on the bus, walking to places, even shopping. Yesterday I saw a woman on the bus that wore a coat similar to what my mom used to wear. Same colour too. I thought of us going to church together, I thought of her coat, that it was in someone else's closet (stepfather got rid of everything without even asking if we wanted any momentos). I'll be going to her grave tomorrow. I ab bringing a special candle to her grave - I got it while I was on holidays. I went to churches and in every church I was lighting at least one candle for her. I got one from a famous cathedral and I am going to put it on her headstone. I'll bring some extra tea candles and a lighter for each time I go.

I must say though I don't know if I am the only one to have this strange reaction, but these places where someone perishes in a road accident and then people tape flowers, teddy bears etc. are starting to disturb me quite a bit. Is this a strange thing or does anyone else here dislike those roadside memorials?

[leeann]

Allalone

Yes I have had the same experiences of having the tears welling up frequently and in odd places. I always have sunglasses with me anymore. LOL I stopped trying to reason with my self 'why' those tears would be flowing at that particular time.. I just let them flow. I just figure those tears must need to be shed.... so.. I shed them.

I was thinking of making another visit to my folk's graves.. haven't done that in quite awhile. And you talking about your beautiful candles for your Mom.. kind of affirms my thinking.. so thanks.

About the roadside Memorials....

I don't think it is strange to for them to visit roadside memorials. I think I accept it as all just part of someone's grieving process.

We are all different and all of our losses are different. We each process our losses differently and,

for them.. perhaps not being able to be with them when they passed.. not even aware of the fact that they might pass so very quickly... the shock of it all... maybe.. it just helps them to be in the place where their loved one was last aware on this earth. And whatever helps them.. no matter how odd it may seem to others.. I think.. is fine. Whatever helps.. is a good thing. It may be different from what helps me.. but that's ok. As long as they are feeling consoled or their burden is eased.... why not? They may think what I do during my grief journey is odd too.

But I think.... really.. whatever works for people is alright.

leeann

[DawnG]

Hi Allalone,

I think that the site of death memorials are just another way of how people grieve. My brother n law, owns some properties, one of his tenants killed and raped someone in his apartment, family and loved ones placed a memorial on the lawn and he didn't know what to do, he kept it up and soon enough the people took it down.

I've learned through my grief how different everyones is. My sister, rarely talks about it....my brother...never. Me, it's almost always on my mind. I still think of her every day but like you, it's not always bad or sad, last night was a real cryer for me. Not real sure what brought it on but I miss her so much. She was my support system, I have so many troubles in my life since she's past and I have had a hard time dealing with them with out her.

But for those who are new to their grief, everyone says this, but it really does get better, you may not think it, but before you know it, there will be a day that goes by with out crying.

Dawn

[allalone]

thank you for the replies. I've had a really tough week and I couldn't bear to sign in until tonight. Work has been tough and I've just felt a very heightened sense of anxiety most of the week. To come here I probably would have completely broke down and I'm trying to keep things together.

It was about this time two years ago that my mom started showing the symptoms of her cancer. She went to the doctor and went for a couple tests, but the physician wanted to send her for about 20 tests and my mom was old school not to go for more than what was necessary so the doctor said she wouldn't treat her and referred her to another physician. My mom never went...

My daughter was in the hospital this week and the thought of potentially losing her crossed my mind. I couldn't bear that. I don't know what my daughter will do when I pass. I hate to think that she will be all alone. I should have had more children.

[Nicole]

I know how you are feeling. The tears have been similar in my situation as well.

[dragonlady2865]

allalone:

Just a short note on road side memorials....my nephew perished in a snowmobile accident 3 years ago this christmas and I know the site where he died we renamed the street in his honour. It's a back road so it didn't take much clearence. And it is another way for those of us left behind to go and be with him there. I hope this helps.