Death Of A Friend

[teny]

Last week one of Yianys best ffriends died.I could not go to the funeral it was at the same place were I met Yiany.A big farm house that belonged to his friend that died.I was invated with my parends and Yiany by his friend for easter hollidays I was 17 and Yiany 28.We got married 6 months later.I have gone back years ago .I have started crying all over again for my loss and life that will never return.The tragedy of death the loss that is present in every small detail in every days life the lonlines I feel the emty house my emty feelings .Im scared to face the coming hollidays.Will I ever find confordand away of feeling that life is worthed.?Some days I feel so lost that its like I dont belong to this world.Thanks for being here for me.Your far away friend .TENY

[fred]

Hello Teny, I feel so badly for you, for your loss, the continual reminders of all that has changed. We are all experiencing similar feelings, at different times, on different schedules perhaps and to different degrees, but we all have or will be at the same point at one time or another. You have been through a lot, so many rough patches and anniversaries over the past two years. But it has been two years (almost two for me) now, would Yiany want you to spend the rest of your life doing nothing else but missing him?

He was your world, just as my wife was for me, but they have left us behind. I am having the same problems you are, but I know our loves would not want us to just give up. Take his strength, his joy of life, the love he shared with you and begin to think of yourself differently. You have two grandchildren to help raise, they have your name and Yiany`s too. You need to show them the strength of the love you and Yiany shared. They will need to know him through your eyes. They need to see that you two loved each other so much that his love will carry you forward. They should see that you are able to pick yourself up and carry on from here; that life is worthwhile because of the love you knew and shared. Think of all the people that spend their lives looking for the relationships we had. We were loved totally and unconditionally, everyone should know how much we were loved and be able to see that this love continues and is strong enough to carry us on in life.

Take a couple of days to pray and talk to God. Talk to Yiany as if he were sitting right there beside you again. Ask him what he wants you to do? How can you show everyone how much you meant to each other? I think that both he and God will tell you that you are here because there are things you still need to do and it is time for you to begin doing them. We all love you Teny and are saddened that you have had to join us here. None of us has asked for this, but now we need to go out and show the world how strong we are. We have known and shared the best that life has to offer and that love will heal us. Love, Hugs and Prayers ((( )))

[marsha]

Teny - I know what you feel about having a foot in this world, and one where Yiany is. I haven't posted to you before, because I just didn't know what to say, but I feel for your grief. It seems that when friends and family die, it just seems to add to our loss. I pray for you to find strength within you at this unhappy time - Peace, Marsha

[teny]

Thank you my friend your words are always conforting .TENY

[kayc]

Teny,

Fred gave you some good words...I understand the feeling of not wanting to go on and life having no meaning any longer...but you have grandbabies and it would be wonderful to turn your loss into a strength that can help them...have you read Dusky's (John) posts about Jack? He wrote a book and has done so much to memorialize Jack, having a quilt made from his clothes, he's there in Jack's children's lives, and using his loss to help others go on through his writing. You will find your way, somehow, to help these little grandchildren to know Yiany through your eyes and to be a part of their lives as they're growing up, Yiany would want that. You were very young when the two of you married, I think that makes it more challenging to forge a new life for yourself, but it can be done. Just remember, creating a new life of joy for yourself does NOT mean you've forgotten him, quite the contrary. Use the wonderful relationship you had with Yiany to bring comfort and strength and encouragement to yourself, reach down inside of yourself and find him there...that is where he is now.

I love you,

KayC

[WendyJ]

Teny I don't think I can really add much to what Fred and Kay have already said except I am here for you too as you try to get through another death and I am very sorry you have to. You see I had not had anyone die in my family since I was 15 years old, so when my friend Jack whom I had been close with since kindergarten died in Oct of 2006, and then Steve died in March of 2007 and then six months later my Mom was diagnosed with Lupus and we almost lost her a few times and then they diagnosed her with lung cancer and again we almost lost her and then on the same week a year later my Step Grandmother died then my other Grandmother has been in and out of the hospital with her Alzheimers at the age of 94 and now we are awaiting the results of my Mom's cancer tests and this past weekend her Lupus started up again I do know what happens to you when things get piled on you with people you love becoming ill or passing.It is almost enough to make you afraid of getting close to anyone again for fear of them leaving you too but I have fought those fears off just recently. Hang in there my friend, and please remember sometimes in order to get over our grief we have to come face to face with it and experience it, if you only try to avoid it, it will be waiting for you another day.

Love your far away friend,

Wendy