Hateful Siblings?

[Temmie]

Can't stand having a permanent/public record of such sad writings.

[marsha]

Temmie - I've been reading your posts - sorry I haven't posted prior, but I wasn't sure what to say. I don't want to be one of these people who give advice without ever having been through the situation, so what I say is just for concern for you. When my parents died (within 3 years of each other), it was just my brother and me. He lived very close to my parents, and really stepped up to the plate. We were in agreement of everything, and got close because of it. However, when my grandfather died, he left the house to my mother, and her brother never spoke to her again. A sad, and horrible thing for my mother - she rarely spoke of it.

You need to pick your battles - right now, it's your survival. Your job is your survival. Your sister is bringing you down big time, and this you don't need. If her big thing is "stuff", she has no idea what life really means. OK, I live in hurricane central - every year I have a box of stuff, one box, that I would take with me if I had to leave and come back to find nothing. Although there are many memories, attached to many things, essentially it's just stuff. Everything else would be in my heart, and head. You don't need this from your sister. You are the most important thing right now - you'll want to look after yourself, be gentle on yourself. The school year will end, and you'll have some time to be with yourself and take a deep breath-- and then go on. Please know that I'm thinking of you - and please feel free to contact me if you wish - take care, Marsha

[leeann]

Temmie.. I must say I agree wholeheartedly with Marsha on your sis.

You said:

It makes me feel horrible.

Well my sibling acted very much like Marsha's brother and I feel very blessed to have her in my life.

HOWever.sure..I have felt attacked by others and for awhile I allowed them to make me feel horrible too.

Then though.... I learned.. it was me allowing that to happen. I allowed them to make me feel miserable. I was giving up my own power to them.. on a silver platter. For quite awile I willingly gave each and everyday of mine to ... THEM by allowing their words... or actions to hurt/bother me. Once I realized that was what I was doing... I took steps to re-focus myself on MYSELF... not them or their words or actions.

I learned no one can MAKE me feel anything. I decide how I feel. No one else.

And I think Marsha is right... you have QUITE enough to deal with right now. I really don't think you have the time or the energy to allow your sis or ANYone else to take your emotions... your peace of mind..... your very self.

Temmie.. you are a beautful person... a good teacher (yes.. this year has been tough... BUT how many years prior were just fine??) and a wonderful daughter and a good Mom. Please don't allow ANYone else to tell ya any different. It just isn't true .. is it?

About the report cards... Anyone who has kids in school knows the drill... the 1st & 4th marking periods are the easiest... loads of review. The middle two marking periods are tougher. That's when you are disseminating and having them assimiliate NEW material. Grades typically dip... no matter WHAT is going on in a teacher's personal life!

Hold your head up... you CAN do this.

And PLEASE take a minute to pat yourself on the back for getting the report cards done! That's a huge feat in itself!

I know.. we have two kids and I know the grades here have to be in by Thursday (in the HS the teachers here get fined if they don't make the deadline... lol Can ya believe that one? And that's WITH a union... Can ya imagine?? LOL) So the kids have been scrambling to get things done in time and so are the teachers.. It's a terribly tough time right now. That's to be expected.

So give yourself a break... you have a whole nother two marking periods and the kids will do better and so will you! (The kids will def be better once the snow melts and they can get out on that playground and release some of that "energy"! LOL) Envision it for yourself.

So what I'm trying to say is... better days are coming... just hold on and simply do the best you can each day. And by June you will have a class that is ready to be 4th graders. And you will be more than ready for a VERY tall iced tea!

(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

leeann (who still has to log in loads of times.... lol)

[mlg]

Who is the executor of the estate?

Tom was the eldest of 12 and there is one sister especially who can be a bully. He and the oldest sister were co-executors and from the beginning put her in her place. She didn't get her way but knew that throwing a fit wouldn't do her any good. What they did was set out everything that was of importance as far as family goes and drew #'s 1-12. Then they chose one thing. At the end of the round they drew #s again so the same people didn't always get the best choice. Then there were 10 nicer things and this sister and another one who was holding some other furniture were told that they would not be allowed to draw because they already had their things. She said something and they told her if she wanted to give the furniture back they'd be glad to put her in the drawing. Well, she didn't want to do that so they told her that was her answer. The funny thing about it is that Tom ended up with the antique diamond earrings and a 24 karat gold rosary from his grandparent's 50th anniv. so guess who has them now. You haven't been here for the whole hateful family thing between them and me but you better believe they'll never see these things again.

Anyway, now that I've rambled, whomever is the executor should step in and not let your sister do this or hire a lawyer to put her in her place. This is not the time or the place for a BULLY

[Temmie]

Who is the executor of the estate?

Tom was the eldest of 12 and there is one sister especially who can be a bully. He and the oldest sister were co-executors and from the beginning put her in her place. She didn't get her way but knew that throwing a fit wouldn't do her any good. What they did was set out everything that was of importance as far as family goes and drew #'s 1-12. Then they chose one thing. At the end of the round they drew #s again so the same people didn't always get the best choice. Then there were 10 nicer things and this sister and another one who was holding some other furniture were told that they would not be allowed to draw because they already had their things. She said something and they told her if she wanted to give the furniture back they'd be glad to put her in the drawing. Well, she didn't want to do that so they told her that was her answer. The funny thing about it is that Tom ended up with the antique diamond earrings and a 24 karat gold rosary from his grandparent's 50th anniv. so guess who has them now. You haven't been here for the whole hateful family thing between them and me but you better believe they'll never see these things again.

Anyway, now that I've rambled, whomever is the executor should step in and not let your sister do this or hire a lawyer to put her in her place. This is not the time or the place for a BULLY

Good morning all ... I'm so blessed and privileged (and grateful!) to have you here ....

My eldest sister is the executor. The youngest sister is the "bully." Jane (eldest) won't do anything to stand up against JoAnne. I guess ... in the end, it doesn't really matter. Who was it that wrote, boxes and what-not are not the things of life? Marsha? Also, the dresser I'm using (even though it's a "by the side of the road find" serves as a devotional space/place ... and is just the right height for me, when I'm sitting or kneeling before it in devotional work.

And does that "devotional work" clear my heart, by the way? Not really! But it does focus my intention.

It is a good thing for me to spend time before candlelight and reflect on the light within.

Plus -- I've claimed the piano. :-) And even though I can't read music, and haven't played in years -- I do have a sense of harmonies and can play most anything "by ear."

Surely, having the piano I grew up with will take me into explorations of music and song that bring more joy to my soul.

I am ... without a voice today, darn it ... but also without sick leave, and don't have sub notes or plans, so into work I go.

I think I'll take a moment to write everyone's names down on a piece of paper to stick in my pocket -- so even though I feel friendless and bereft (I really have no friends here in the Midwest, save for a lackluster but goodhearted boyfriend I see occasionally, thank God for Joe!) ... so even though I feel alone and invisible -- I'll have a reminder of your loving care and words.

Thank you all.

May we be lifted up and heartened this day, and may we find (and promote) experiences of joy and wonder.

Love ... love,

Temmie

[marsha]

Know that you have friends here, Temmie - we're all in this together, and we all lift each other up when we need it the most - OK? Hugs, Marsha

[Midnight]

I too have hateful siblings and I am not sure what I did if anything for them to treat me so bad.

My sister has everything her heart desires rich husband who gives her anything and everything she wants, you think she would be happy. But he has to work 6 days a week and is never home to give her all she wants.

Whereas my husband gives me love, support, and we do everything together and she told me once that she would like to have my life. I know that I am blessed with a caring and compassionate man. Yet sometimes she says oh but he is just a truck driver. Her husband is a executive in some big company. We don't get along. Can only be in a room together for about 30 minutes and then we are arguing.

My one brother who took sides with my ex boyfriend who used to beat the crap out of me for years. One day I just up and left and found me a apartment. I left with the clothes on my back. And my brother would always tell my ex where I lived. So he would find me and physically assault me when I had left him. And my brother wonders why we dont talk or see each other.

And when my dad died Feb. 08 he was on life support after he suffered a massive heart attack. They put him on life support until all the family was able to come see him and say goodbye. But yet my two brothers and mother would not sign the papers to take him off life support. The doctor said if we as a family are too selfish to let him go then he will make the decision for us. I knew in my heart that dad would not want to go on like this, so I signed the papers to let dad go. To this day my brothers and mother say that I killed dad. I tell them I am the only one that had compassion enough to let him go.

So needless to say I dont have too much to do with them. They were being really mean to me so I did not attend the family viewing for dad or the memorial supper that we had for him after the service. And to this day, I am hurt that they were being so mean to me but more so that I did not attend the services. So on Feb.21 2009 my husband and I are going to do something special to honor my dad.

[Temmie]

Dear Midnight,

Sounds like a nightmare.

I suppose when you take ... every possible ... variety ... of family constellations that might present -- there are quite a few who are less than balanced and whole.

Be well ... take care ... keep breathing ... keep moving forward ....

Wishing you well,

Temmie

[Sadeyes]

I just wanted to reply to Temmie and what she is going through.

I am still going through the family 'issues' and there will always be someone who feels they deserve to have more than the others. Unfortunately, a death can bring out the worst in a family at times. At first, I really didn't care what I would get because the pain from loosing my Mother is so great, I really don't care. But, when I knew some of my family was going through items and throwing them away or taking them without consulting me or my other siblings, I was obviously upset. It's bad enough feeling that I may have not done enough to help my Mother and wish I could go back and do more, but the issues of dealing with her personal items and money issues, etc. can be extremely frustrating and also very emotional. Maybe (Temmie) if you could sit quietly and speak with someone in the family that you trust, just to let them know how you feel about how you are being treated, it would help to ease the hurt and frustration. I think I may know how you feel as I have been a 'talked about' regarding the last hospital stay for my Mom. And even though I know the comments and accusations are not true, it still hurts and only deepens the guilt I already feel.

So, do what you need to heal 'you'. You are in pain and as the others have mentioned, you do not need to feel more than you already do. I hope words from others ease the hurt and that you can concentrate on yourself. I just take it day by day. Some days are okay, others are very bad and yet there are times I feel a sense of calm and I believe that is my Mom trying to help me through this.

Wishing you peace