27 Months

[teny]

Hellow my friends Last week it was 27 months but I was again very sick and did not post.since last spring that I have been in hospital with pneumonia I have not fully recover.Not feeling well make me stuck to my pain. and my dr says Im stuck cause I havenot found any otherway of livingbut only through my pain.Griefis my identityMY world is gray I remember that I did not even want to surviveIm here after 27 months willI ever find other colors ? John at his last post gave some hope but it is not geting easier Itis good to know my far away friends do understand ..Thank you .TENY

[jackietnd1]

Hi Teny,

Sorry you are having a hard time today, not sure what to say, I am coming up on 1 year for my husband and 3 months for my Mother...I just try to take on day at a time. Still very difficult without my Lawrence. I just keep taking confort in knowing he wants me to live not just be sad everyday...Keep the Faith

Keeping the Faith for Today

Jackie

[fred]

I do not know, I wish there was some advice I could give you Teny. One day does not seem any different than the one before. Everything is different from the way it was in the begining, but I do not feel better. We are all widows and widowers, Teny, and we always will be. We are not going to feel any better because of something outside of us. The feeling better is going to have to come from the inside. I do not know how to make it happen Teny. We just have to try on our own; one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Just the same way we have spent every other day in our grief, but now we are trying to help ourselves become better. We are still here, we have survived over two years now, we just have to figure out how to continue on. I do not have any answers, Teny; if you figure out how to go on from here,....let me know. Love, Hugs, and Prayers

[kayc]

Oh Teny, I wish I had some answers for you too, but alas you've already heard what we have to say...it gets better but in small increments and it's barely discernible, and everyone's time table is different...what takes 3 years for one person may take 5 years for another, we're all different and so are all of the factors surrounding each marriage and death situation. You may notice colors coming back in shaded hues, so subtle your can hardly see it, and it may gradually become a little brighter, but honestly, Teny, I have accepted that life won't ever be the same again for me as it was "before", that's just what I've observed. How can anything be the same again when he's not here and there's no one like him in the whole world? I don't look for the "same" to happen again, but I do hope that I can discover something else bright, somewhere along the way. You know, I haven't found it yet, not exactly, I guess I'm not really looking to, I'm just living and if something good comes my way, great, if not, well, I'll survive...I do keep my mind open to possibilities, whatever they may be. For now, I got myself a humongous puppy and between working, commuting, and taking care of the animals, it keeps me so swamped that I fall into bed exhausted at night, never having enough time to do what needs to be done. But less time is less time to think so I guess that's good. I just heard that if you are living in the past, you are inviting depression, if you live in the future, you invite anxiety, that all that we really have is this moment so in order to live, we must learn to exist in the present. That helped me and it's something I'm trying to remember.

I join Fred in giving you (((hugs))).

Love,

Kay