To All The Grief Veterans

[Jei5878a]

I'm looking for advice from all you "grief veterans" out there.

People have been telling me that grief never really goes away, and that honestly scares me to death. I wish very much that I don't feel like this forever; but now people have got me worried that I'll never live a "normal" life again.

After losing my mom at 19, I know things will never be exactly the same (how could they?) but I need hope that one day I will enjoy and find purpose in life again. If things are always to remain this way; then what is even the point of trying to heal?

I guess I am just confused. I know I will always miss my mother; and some part of me will always want her back, but at the same time I would also like to "graduate" from this grieving process and move forward in my life.

My grief counselor told me grief is something that never leaves you completely--there is no 12 step program and then *poof* you're healed. I find this very discouraging.....I would like to leave all the hurt behind and not be hindered by it. Is that possible?

[AnnieO]

I wish I could tell you the things you want to hear but I can only tell you about my own grief experience. My mom died Dec.06, my dad died 10 months later. I am much better than I was that first year...I don't feel like my grief is gone, not at all. I have just learned how to live with this new normal. For me its not closure, its acceptance. I have accepted the fact that my parents are gone...I miss them every single day. The raw, unbearable pain has gone but the "missing them" pain is still with me, all the time. BUT, I live my life, I find joy, I laugh and have wonderful days. I honor my parents by living my life because that is what they want me to do. I have wonderful memories that slowly but surely are filling my broken heart. You will live a normal life again, it will just be a different normal. You will find a purpose and will have joy again in your life. Your mom is with you and she wants you to live, laugh and love .

[STARKISS]

Hi,

I also can only tell you about my own exprience with grief, I lost my mom in April 2005, and lost my dad in August of 2005 and being that it is the fourth year i have my days... Days are much easier but the anniversaries and birthdays are the things I get stuck on... But yes I do believe things get easier but everyone handles grief differently and some might get over it quicker... Shelley

[NancyM]

I agree with Annie, I lost my Mom Feb 2006 and you do eventually accept that this is part of life, not that you'll ever stop missing them but for me, I can now miss her and remember her with happy memories and not the sadness of her passing. I too believe you honor them by trying to live a good life which means being happy, I'm sure that is what our loved ones want for us. It takes time to get to that point of acceptance and it is different for everyone.

I haven't posted in a while but I come back and read the posts often when I feel that twinge of sadness....it helps me, maybe it will help you too, so come back whenever you need to....we all understand this journey of grief. Take care.