My 1st Baby Died June 14th, 2009

[Keesha's Mom]

On Sunday June 14th, My baby Keesha took her last breath and past away peacefully in her sleep. I have never cried so hard in my life. When I woke Monday morning my eyes were so puffy, I didn't recognize myself. She was my 1st baby. I had her nearly 14 years and have only been away from her maybe 12 days total in 14 years! She was a puppy til the end still running up the diveway to greet me Saturday afternoon. This is so much harder than I expected. I'm mad that I wasn't here when she went. My husband assured me she just fell asleep and it looked like it. That morning I knew something wasn't right, maybe the time was near. I pet her a few times and whispered that it was okay now to go. I didn't think she would have listened so soon. She was such a good dog, always there for me. We spent a lot of time together, we had a lot of fun. The walks were great she'd take me on. When I'd let her off the leash, she would pounce on things in the tall grass like a cat. She was a goofball. I feel guilty for getting busy with my human babies the last few years. But, I know................... Her bark was so annoying and now I wish I could hear it. She shed and it was a mess but now I don't want to clean the house because it's the last of her I have. She'd walk over and plop her big belly down over your feet so you could rub her belly with them. She had such big brown eyes, so soft and loving. And her eyes were the kind where she always looked like she was thinking the way her eyebrows moved about. She loved to swim in our river here and I'm glad I got to take her a couple more times these past few weeks before she left. I'm afraid I'm going to forget her, so I keep tearing myself up thinking about her over and over again. Of course everywhere I turn, I see something or someplace that reminds me of her. Her footprints in the garden, the hair on the couch. Kids still ask about her. I find things everywhere. I am sooo sad. I feel like I want to shut off for a while, but I won't. I have 2 kids that need me and I need them. I'm grateful she went peacefully. I'm sad that I didn't love her more. I'm sad that I didn't get to say a longer goodbye. She helped me through a lot of things in life. I hope I was a good Mom to her. This may be one of many posts, it feels good to get it out even though it hurts. I love you Keesh! Mom xoxo

[Elizabeth149]

Keesha's mom-I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so painful and difficult when our babies leave us. My baby dog Chela died March 19th of this year. She was 17-years old. I'm still heartbroken and cry on a daily basis. It's part of the healing process. The more I cry, the less anxiety I feel, so I just let the tears come when they need to. This weekend, I'm finally well enough to hold a memorial for her. With everything I've read, it's supposed to help the healing process. There are dozens of books out there on your grief and it helps to read them. So far all I've read indicates that this intense grief is normal and to be expected. It helps to hear that when you think you're coming apart at the seams. There are also a few really good grief chatlines. It really helps to share with those who understand your grief and the depth of the pain you're in. I hope you are able to find peace! Please take extra gentle care with yourself in the days to come.

[MartyT]

Dear One,

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I hope you know that you have our deepest sympathy. You are among kindred spirits here, as we've all loved and lost a special animal companion and know too well the pain you're feeling now. I hope you'll spend some time reading through some of the posts in this forum, as you'll see that you're not alone. Please see also some of the pages on my Grief Healing Web site, especially Pet Loss Articles and Children and Pet Loss.