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Tomorrow Will Be Difficult...


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I don’t even know how to describe how I’m feeling. I should share at least with my husband but I haven’t been able to yet (and I usually tell him everything). We got married last August and at that point my mom was well, as a matter of fact just one month before our wedding, the oncologist was very pleased with her scans and told us she was “practically in remission”. Less than 8 months after the wedding she was gone…. So tomorrow is my cousin’s wedding – I’m really close with my cousin, but I KNOW it’s gonna be hard on me – I’m so very grateful my mom was at our wedding and that she was well enough to enjoy it and that I have those wonderful memories of her, but tomorrow is gonna be difficult. My dad is staying with us Saturday night and so is my mom’s sister, which is great! I’m sure we’ll all be celebrating my cousins’ wedding yet hurting at the same time. Oh yeah, and I agreed to be MC at the wedding with another cousin… when she asked I didn’t even consider saying no, but now I’m sort of wondering if I’ll be okay – I think so – I said the eulogy at my mom’s funeral and was okay…. It’s just bringing back so many Happy memories and the reality that they will never be again – not happy memories that include my mom. I want to go get my hair done with my mom and I want to show her my dress. And most of all, I want to tell her I’m expecting for April…

Michelle

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Michelle, dear ~ It is occasions like this one that bring to mind the word, "bittersweet." Of course this will be a difficult day for you, but a very special and important one, too. Think of it this way: You got through your mother's funeral with dignity and grace, and you will get through this, too. See if you can find some symbolic way to bring your mom with you into this wedding celebration ~ I hope it brings you comfort to know that we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow, and are today wishing you a beautiful and memorable weekend . . .

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Thank you for your kind words. Writing and saying my mom's eulogy was difficult, but it was really important to me and somehow i knew i'd be okay that day. I worried more about breaking down as MC on Saturday than I did for the eulogy.

I was okay - being MC worked out great. I was so caught up in the moments of happiness and celebrating my cousin's wedding that everything went very well!

My Grandma (mom's mom) and my aunt (mom's sister) and I had some tears and talked about her later in the night once all the speeches were over. We cried a few times later and so it was hard and i missed her lots, but it was so nice to have my dad and my mom's family there missing her with me. I so love being around people who like talking about her and who think it's still okay to cry. I felt like we celebrated the happpiness of the occasion and those of us closest to her also took some moments to remember her.

Michelle

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