Funeral - Estranged Parent

[katie]

I have not had much of a relationship with my biological father who was in and out of my life and while my mother was married to him, he gave us a lot of heartache and tears. I felt that he wasnt very interested in me or my life and preferred to move on, after the divorce with his kids from his second marriage. He has just passed away and i feel so surprisingly devastated. i feel remorse for all the years that we lost together even though i know that we never quite bonded or had that fatherly-daughter connection. His funeral is 1000km away tomorrow and i am torn on whether i should go. his side of the family seem to have all forgotten me as well. they did not even let me know that he was dying in hospital and i am very angry about that too. I really wish that i could have gone to see him before he died. Now i do not know if i should see them at the funeral. Am i going for them, myself or my deceased father ?(who seemed to have forgotten me) what is the right thing to do?

[derby]

I am so sorry for all the mixed feelings you are having. I would pray about it and simply follow your heart. What would be good for you to do? What would help you have peace? Is there a Pastor or someone else you trust to share your sorrow, feelings, and who could help you with your decision? Whatever you decide, my prayers and best wishes. Blessings, Debbie

[katie]

thank you Debbie - i decided not to go and i feel ok with it because he is not there and i would have ideally liked to have seen him before he died :-(

[MartyT]

Katie, dear ~ whatever you decide to do, please know that it is never too late to say goodbye to your father. When you are ready, you might try writing a letter to him, saying all the things you wish you could have told him before he died. Construct some sort of ritual around this exercise: find a quiet, private place. Light a candle. Play some music in the background that holds some special meaning for you. Then take your letter and burn it, as a way to send it to your father's spirit, wherever that may be. Whatever you do is up to you ~ just know that a ritual like this can be a powerful way to accomplish (in a symbolic way) what circumstances may prevent you from doing in person . . .